LAUGH WITH THE PUNJABIS – PART IV

I am a Punjabi Sikh by birth; my dad’s side of the family being from the village in Ropar (now Rupnagar) district of Punjab, and my mother’s side of people from village Urapur near Nawanshaher in Punjab.

From the time I was small, I have been exposed to Punjabi humour. About a year ago, I have started a group on Facebook to promote Punjabi humour. The group is called ‘Laugh With The Punjabis’. At the time of writing it has nearly 12000 members.

Why Punjabi jokes and humour? Punjabis are the only people who can not only sportively take a joke on themselves, but, can be expected to tell you two jokes about themselves for every one cracked by you. The community is now counted amongst the most progressive and generous communities in the world.

You can always join the group (it is free to men and women, boys and girls of all communities, regions, age and nationalities. I have ensured that none of the humour there is directed against any people. And, you don’t laugh at the Punjabis but laugh with the Punjabis.

You have already read 23 old-time jokes with the flavour of Punjab in ‘Laugh With The Punjabis – Part I’, ‘Laugh With The Punjabis – Part II’ and ‘Laugh With The Punjabis – Part III’. These are the jokes recounted by me in the group that I am nostalgic about. I used to hear them in my childhood and boyhood days.

Lets continue with the old-time jokes.

Old Time Joke #24, Flavour of Punjab

Santa and Banta migrated to America and got job in the rocket fuel department at NASA Houston.

Most of their salary was spent, like that of any Punjabi, on “khaan-peen” especially peen (drinking).

One day, Santa and Banta had a fight during working hours. Santa gave a push to Banta who fell into rocket fuel and he involuntarily tasted it.

He told Santa to taste it too and they felt that it was a potent drink like rum or whisky.

So, they forgot their fighting and helped themselves to tasting more and more of rocket fuel. They had a jolly good time and got pissed and went home and slept.

Next morning, Banta received an urgent phone call from Santa, “O Banteya, jadd toilet jaayenga tanh toilet seat nu zor naal phadd lainyi.”

Banta: Kyun Santeya?

Santa: Main China tonh bol reha haan!

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Old Time Joke #25, Flavour of Punjab

Still valid after more than five decades:

In our village in Punjab, on one rare occasion, a train arrived on time.

It was a stunning event and the villagers quickly organised a function; garlanded the engine and the driver and distributed sweets. A speech praising the engine driver was made by the Sarpanch and the engine driver was asked to say a few words.

Engine Driver: Bahut meharbaani haaran layi, mithaai layi ate iss function layi. Per sachi dassan tanh main inna da hakdaar nahin; kyunki eh kal di gaddi hai!

 

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Old Time joke #26, Flavour of Punjab

(Excerpt from an actual speech by Giani Zail Singh ji)

Bhaarat ek bahut mahaan desh hai. Alagg alagg praant hain, jahan alagg alagg tarah ke log rehate hain. Inake alagg alagg dharam hain jaisee Hindu, Musalmaan, Sikh, Isaayi. Inaki alagg alagg bhashayen hain jaise Punjab mein Punjabi, Himachal mein Himachali, Bengal mein Bengali, Tamilnadu mein Tamilnadi aur Kerala mein Kerali.

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Old Time Joke #27, Flavour of Punjab

Actual ad in Tribune of Chandigarh:

Handsome Jatt Sikh, 6 feet, well-built, with 50 acres land wants to marry beautiful and tall Sikh girl with a tractor. Interested girls send picture of tractor.

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Old Time Joke #28, Flavour of Punjab

After the partition in 1947, as this Punjabi family from Lahore shifted to Ludhiana, the father had a pet reply to all the demands of his only son: “Oye, oh tanh reh gayi Lahore.” For example, the conversation between them would go somewhat like this:

Son: Papa, papa, main bhi cycle laini hai.
Father: Oye chhad beta; cyclan tanh saariyan reh gayiyan Lahore.

After a few days, the son asked: Papa, mainu ik camera lai deyo.
Father: Nahin beta, camera tanh saare reh gaye Lahore.

Much to the consternation of the son, this had become the order of the day. One day, the son, brought his report card home with zero marks in most subjects.

Father: Oye, tere number kithe ne?
Son: Chhado daddy; number tanh saare reh gaye Lahore.

Father (hot under the collar): Oye, tameez naa gal kar; main tera peyo haan.
Son: Per papa, peyo tanh saare reh gaye Lahore!

(Pic courtesy: itsmyviews.com)
(Pic courtesy: itsmyviews.com)

 

(Pic courtesy: nativepakistan.com)
(Pic courtesy: nativepakistan.com)

Old Time Joke #29, Flavour of Punjab

Balwant and Satwant two friends were going on a mobike and felt the strong breeze hitting them hard in the winters. Especially, the wind was going from the shirt front gaps between the buttons and slashing their chests like bullets.

So, they came up with a practical idea. They wore their shirts backwards and helped each other button them up.

After some time, the mobike hit against a gadda (bullock cart) and they and the mobike fell.

The villagers rushed to give them “first-aid” as they would readily do in any village in Punjab.

Later, in the police report, the following statement was recorded by a few witnesses: “Accident serious si. Dona bechaareyan diyan gardanaa (necks) buri tarah mud gayiyan si. Aseen jadon seedhiyan keetiyan tanh dona ne dum tod ditta.”

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Old Time Joke #30, Flavour of Punjab

Kartar slapped a man in the market, heartily on the back, and excitedly said, “Oye Satinder, bade saalan baad miliya hain. Waah bhai waah, chehra badal gaya, rang dhang badal gaya, pugg da style badal gaya, chaal badal gayi….”

The other man: Bhai saab, meraa naam Satinder nahin hai ji.

Kartar unfazed: Waah bhai waah; naam bhi badal leya!

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Continue laughing with the Punjabis; more to follow in subsequent posts.

 

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