I am a Punjabi Sikh by birth; my dad’s side of the family being from the village in Ropar (now Rupnagar) district of Punjab, and my mother’s side of people from village Urapur near Nawanshaher in Punjab.
From the time I was small, I have been exposed to Punjabi humour. About a year ago, I have started a group on Facebook to promote Punjabi humour. The group is called ‘Laugh With The Punjabis’. At the time of writing it has nearly 12000 members.
Why Punjabi jokes and humour? Punjabis are the only people who can not only sportively take a joke on themselves, but, can be expected to tell you two jokes about themselves for every one cracked by you. The community is now counted amongst the most progressive and generous communities in the world.
You can always join the group (it is free to men and women, boys and girls of all communities, regions, age and nationalities. I have ensured that none of the humour there is directed against any people. And, you don’t laugh at the Punjabis but laugh with the Punjabis.
Below, and in a series of blog-posts, I am bringing out the jokes related by me in the group that I am nostalgic about. I used to hear them in my childhood and boyhood days.
Before we begin, here is:
AN INVITATION TO MADNESS:
Join Laugh With The Punjabis (LWTP)
Ped de neeche khade hoke dekho kinne amb ne,
LWTP join karke dekho kinne ithe bumb ne!
LTTE Sri Lanka ch khatam ho gayi, barbaad ho gayi,
LWTP India ch shuru ho gayi, aabaad ho gayi.
Dono hi failaande ne, bharpoor terror,
Ik by design, ik simply by error.
Ikko eh group hai, jithe saare ne leader,
Saare post paayun waale, bahut kam ne reader.
Posts ehna di dekh ke, hairaan haan main,
Gussa ehna da dekh ke, preshaan haan main.
Phir sochada haan, dost ne, humsuffer ne,
Mere tanh paagalpan ch, ehi tanh buffer ne.
Ehi group join karo, ban jaayo saade beli,
Agli transfer thuaadi, howegi Agra ya Bareilly.
Old Time Joke #1 – Flavour of Punjab
Punjab Mail arrived at the station and it was so full that people were sticking out of windows and doors like bees from a hive.
Sardar Ujjagar Singh from my village was travelling to the city with his peepa of desi ghee. He somehow forced his way into the general compartment and the train started. The 15 kgs tin of the Ghee was getting into everybody’s way and was turning out to be a nuisance.
So, SUS took it, tied a piece of his tamba (dhoti) to the handle and tied the other end to a chain hanging in the compartment.
This brought the train to a screeching halt and the Guard and his team came to investigate. They found the peepa hanging from the chain.
Guard said: Ai dekho is peepe ne gaddi roki hai.
Sardar Ujjagar Singh: Dekhya, desi gheo di taaqat!
From my village Urapur in Jalandhar district (between Ludhiana and Nawanshahr), there are two ways to go to the nearest city Nawanshahr: one is via Garcha and the other is via Bohara (Bahara); the road bifurcating after Aur.
One day, one of our fellow villagers stopped at a friend’s place in Garcha. They showered on him the traditional Punjabi hospitality but they were soon to find out that their friend from our village was made of sterner stuff. He polished off 25 to 30 roti, all their dal, sabji and kheer. Finally, after early dinner, the family sat with our man around in the vehda and started gup-shup.
They asked him about the purpose of his visit to Nawanshahr.
Our man said: Daakter ji nu milana hai.
Garcha Friend: Oye tainu ki problem hai?
Our man: Daakter ji nu dasnaa hai ke mainu bhukh nahin lagadi.
Garcha Friend’s Wohti (wife) cutting in: Waapas jaandi baar tussi Bohara ho ke jaayo, oh short-cut hai.
Old Time Joke #3 – Flavour of Punjab
Santa Singh, the Lion of Punjab, landed in New York in 1954, and there was a competition going on there to see who would be the bravest to jump from the tallest building into the swimming pool below.
Santa’s friends fielded him as the bravest; the most daring.
This was going to be the most stupendous feat and there were media personnel giving live commentary:
“Ladies and gentlemen; this is going to be a feat unequalled in the annals of history. And here we see now Santa Singh from Punjab in India reaching on top of this 100 story building, waving nonchalantly to the crowds below and, …. what is this? He has decided to jump with his full clothes on….what a brave and courageous man he is from the land of the braves…..and with a great Chhpaak, he lands into the pool…..wait, lets approach him and ask him his first reaction: ‘Santa ji; you are the bravest of the brave….please tell us how do you feel after accomplishing the world’s most daring act?'”
Santa: Oh tanh ji main baad ch dasaanga; pehale eh dasso mainu dhakka kinne ditta si?
Old Time Joke #4, Flavour of Punjab
Dasaunda Singh fought elections, won, and his party won majority. Dasaunda was made the Chief Minister of Punjab.
However, being a pind wala (villager), his people guided him to be suspicious of all around him lest they should take him for a ride. “Jithe tainu shaq howe, uthe puchh layin ki ho rehya hai.”
Fortified with this knowledge, he started next day morning for the Assembly by his driver driven Ambassador. (Please remember that during those days the car gears used to make a lot of noise).
As the car started, Dasaunda heard a lot of noise and asked the driver with alarm, “Oye ki kar rehan hain?”
Driver: “Sarkar gear change kar reha haan.”
Dasaunda Singh (Remembering the advice his cronies gave him): “Haraamzaade, mere saamne saamne gear change kar reha hain; jadd main nahin hovenga tanh tu gaddi hi change kar dawenga.”
Old Time Joke #5, Flavour of Punjab
Dasaunda Singh plane chadan lagga tanh Air Hostess ne dekhiya ke aisle ch kaafi bheedh hai aur kehiya, “Wait, Sir.”
Dasaunda Singh: Oh madam, huni agge 110 kilo di aurat gayi, usnu tanh tussi weight nahin puchhya. Asin 70 kilo de haan, saada tussi weight puchhi ja rahi ho.
Old Time Joke #6 – Flavour of Punjab
During olden days, a plane had as passengers an American, an Arab, Santa, a lady and her small 7 years old boy.
The plane engine developed trouble and the pilot announced that they may have to jump out, one by one. They noticed that there were only four parachutes for five of them.
When the first call came from the pilot, the American was the first to volunteer; he grabbed a parachute and jumped out saying, “Christ is the greatest.”
At the next call, Santa grabbed another parachute and jumped out saying, “Waheguru tonh wadda koi nahin.”
At the third call, the Arab jumped out saying, “Allah O’ Akbar.”
At the next call, the Pilot announced that the plane had to be abandoned. The mother told her child, “Beta, maine to zindagi dekh rakhi hai; toone abhi shuru ki hai. Tu baaki bacha parachute le aur kood jaa.”
Beta: “Nahin mummy; hum dono ke liye parachute hain kyonki Santa uncle mera basta le ke hi kood gaye the.”
Old Time Joke #7 – Flavour of Punjab
A farmer in our village Urapur near Nawanshahr was accused in the court for having stolen his neighbour’s hens.
He commissioned a lawyer to defend him. The lawyer was a smart-aleck and soon the farmer was acquitted.
I was present in the court to witness this drama (though I was a boy at that time)
Judge: Thuayanoo baa izzat bari keeta jaanda hai.
Farmer (with folded hands, not sure what it meant): Judge saab murgiyan rakh lawaan ke waapas deniya hun?
Continue laughing with the Punjabis; more to follow in subsequent posts.
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