I am a Punjabi Sikh by birth; my dad’s side of the family being from the village in Ropar (now Rupnagar) district of Punjab, and my mother’s side of people from village Urapur near Nawanshaher in Punjab.
From the time I was small, I have been exposed to Punjabi humour. About a year ago, I have started a group on Facebook to promote Punjabi humour. The group is called ‘Laugh With The Punjabis’. At the time of writing it has nearly 12000 members.
Why Punjabi jokes and humour? Punjabis are the only people who can not only sportively take a joke on themselves, but, can be expected to tell you two jokes about themselves for every one cracked by you. The community is now counted amongst the most progressive and generous communities in the world.
You can always join the group (it is free to men and women, boys and girls of all communities, regions, age and nationalities. I have ensured that none of the humour there is directed against any people. And, you don’t laugh at the Punjabis but laugh with the Punjabis.
You have already read seven old-time jokes with the flavour of Punjab in ‘Laugh With The Punjabis – Part I’. These are the jokes recounted by me in the group that I am nostalgic about. I used to hear them in my childhood and boyhood days.
Lets continue with the old-time jokes.
Old Time Joke #8, Flavour of Punjab
This was told to me by Commodore Sukhjinder Singh, who retired as JAG (Navy) (that is, Judge Advocate General, Navy)
One day we were sitting in the Angre Wardroom and I asked him how did he become a lawyer. He explained:
“I had a good friend in Patiala. When I grew up and finished schooling, one day I was talking to him as to what should I become; when he suddenly told me:
Oye Sukhjinder tu Vakeel ban jaa yaar.
I asked him why and he replied:
Oye yaar main ik murder karan di soch reha haan!”
Kaun kehnda hai Punjabi door-darshi nahin hunde?
Old Time Joke #9, Flavour of Punjab
There was a Kissan Fair going on near Phillaur. Our man Ujjagar Singh from my village Urapur went to see the fair with his family. The greatest attraction for the farmers was their versatile stud bull (Chohtta). But, to see the bull one had to buy tickets.
Ujjagar Singh went to the ticket counter and asked for 26 tickets for himself and his family.
Ticket Window te Janaani: Praaji tussi aithe khado; Assin chohtte (stud bull) nu lai ke aande haan thuayanoo dekhan layi.
Old Time Joke #10 – Flavour of Punjab
Banta was admitted in the hospital for broken limbs and several other injuries. The doctor asked him what happened?
Banta: Hoeya kuchh nahin ji. Main chhatt te chadiya si koi kamm karan layi. Uthe mainu Sante daa joke samajh aa gaya jehda usane chaar din pehale sunaaya si.
Old Time Joke #11 – Flavour of Punjab
Santu was guiding a buffalo (majhh) into the school on a chain (sangal). It had the letters E-S-S-A-Y written on it on either side in white chalk.
Angry English teacher demanded to know what was it?
Santu: Madam ji tussi keha si Cow (gaan) te essay likh ke leyaayo. Saade pind ch ik bhi gaan nahin hai ji. Main majhh te likh ke le aaya. Theek hai naa ji spelling?
Old Time Joke #12, Flavour of Punjab
You already know that you can’t find a Sikh beggar. This one is about Sardar Ujjagar Singh Sekhon, a Jatt Sikh and it is just a made-up joke to bring out the comedy in a most unlikely situation of a Sikh begging.
In 1971 War, his entire family was killed and he lost his legs. He was dying of abject poverty and neglect and then someone suggested to him that since in any case he was dying there was no harm in begging.
So USS took out his best dress and turle waali pugg and went to the first house on his crutches and knocked at the door.
A woman opened the door and asked, “Tussi kaun ho ji?”
USS getting angry, “Mayi, dekh nahin rehi main mangta haan? Jaa kuchh khaan layi lai aa.”
Woman (taken aback): Khaan nu tanh kuchh hai nahin ji.
USS: Pher kuchh paisa gehna lata de de.
Woman: Oh bhi nahin hai ji.
USS: Sheesha tanh hai ke nahin?
Woman: Haan ji, oh tanh haiga.
Ujjagar Singh Sekhon: Jaa pher sheesha lai aa, main muchhan nu taa tanh de lawan.
Old Time Joke #13, Flavour of Punjab
From our village in Urapur, Kartar Singh went on a world tour during those days when it was not so common to go abroad.
On his return he sat under the peepal tree on a manji and related his experiences: “O ji chaar di main London reha, chaar din Paris, chaar din Tokyo, chaar din New York…..”
Ten year old school boy impressed, “Chachaji thuaada tanh Geography daa bada knowledge hovega.”
Kartar Singh, “Mainu yaad hai char din uthe bhi reha.”
Old Time Joke #14, Flavour of Punjab
Munda: Chal Jaan, picture dekhan chaliye. Pichhli seats te baithange.
Kudi: Je pichhali seats diyan tiktan naa miliyan pher?
Munda: Pher picture dekh lawaange!
Old Time Joke #15, Flavour of Punjab
Santa and another man were arguing. Santa tried to be reasonable but the other was adamant.
Finally, Santa lost his shirt and shouted: Oye tu sambhal jaa nahin tanh main tere 34 de 34 dand bhan ke hath ch fada dwaanga.
Another man nearby corrected Santa: Per paaji dand tanh sirf 32 hunde ne.
Santa: Mainu pehle pata si tu bhi bolenga; main tere bhi do gin laye hoye ne.
Old Time Joke #16, Flavour of Punjab
I saw this happening!
An old man was going down the slope in Ludhiana and rammed his bicycle into a girl. Both fell, dusted their clothes and got up.
Girl: Main keha bajurgo thoda dekh ke chalayo cycle. Sharm nahin aandi thuanu; ehni thuadi daadhi aayi hoi hai?
Old Man: O beebe, daadhi hai, brake thodi hai. Meri tanh brake fail hoi hai.
Old Time Joke # 17, Flavour of Punjab
Another Actual Incident in Ludhiana
My cousin (wadde masiji da chhota munda) MP Singh and I were walking back home after seeing a movie. We saw a massive fight going on in which several men were involved.
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