Dear People,
At one time I wasn’t very well read. I didn’t have any degrees in school; college I never went to. I knew a few jokes but no one ever laughed on them. I was as far away from poetry and writing as I could get. The only time I wrote something of my own was when the teacher asked me to write the spellings of ‘queue’ a hundred times. I had limited imagination. When asked how much was my IQ, I confidently answered, “I don’t queue. I stand by myself.”
I had no opinions about anything. One of the many reasons was that if I expressed anything, they would badger me with the IQueue thing and I never wanted to stand in the queue even if I’d miss the bus or the train.
My grammar was as poor as how about half the Indian population lives, that is, BPL. If I had to correspond with anyone, I preferred sending telegrams with a number conveying all that I wanted to.
But then, one day I discovered Whats App.
Now, I know everything. Well, almost everything. I could never get a degree such as BA, MA or MBBS. Now I am proud to be called MF or simply Master of Forwards. Soon, I shall be called WhD, a much more advanced degree than PhD. I am almost there with my Doctorate in WhatsApp.
Grammar is no more important to me. I substitute what I don’t know with emojis: which is almost everything.
My ‘finds’ on the net are admired (liked) by everyone, many by innovative use of emojis of their own; after all many of them share my qualifications and those who are well educated see great advantage in getting rid of their actual degrees and also strive to be MF and WhDs, the ‘in’ things.
From the time I learnt something called Copy-Paste (I am thinking of getting another degree in this) I have acquired the requisite skills in being a raconteur of anecdotes, jokes, poems and other stuff.
I have also joined the league of those who have opinions about everything. Hundred percent of my opinions are copied and pasted but who is wiser? Those who read are like me; those who know better don’t read this zilch anyway.
Darwin or some other joker said that there is survival of the fittest. I call it FFF or Fastest Finger First, the difference between an ordinary person and a Crorepati (from a programme successfully Copy-Pasted from abroad). Take for example, yesterday, when the Union Budget was announced. Indians, as you know, are dying to know how much more tax they have to pay (they are amongst the least tax compliant people on earth). So, with my FFF, I got to my friends Budget Highlights before they could get them to me. I am really smart. Ten minutes of delay and they would have won.
Finally, when they ask me about IQ, I tell them….
Sorry, I can’t tell you that here. Meet me privately and I shall bring you to the same ‘intellectual’ level that I am at.
Your co-researcher
Ravi so aptly brought out that social media and internet have really curbed thinking intelligent or otherwise and have encouraged copy paste. Research has been limited to googling and copy pasting from various sources and presenting it as one’s own.
Your humourous style of writing makes it much more interesting to read your articles. We lesser mortals really have a lot to learn from you.
All good and correct about your comment except “lesser mortals” bit. If only you knew in what high esteem I hold you. But, on second thought, probably this too is apt because with goodness and greatness comes humility.
Regards