ARE INDIAN ELECTIONS FAIRY-TALES?

No, I haven’t gone crazy; I am seriously asking this question even though I am well aware of the fact that the world over, Indian parliamentary elections are seen as the greatest exercise in democracy. But, for heaven’s sake, India or Indian democracy is not just about periodic elections even though the Indian political parties and independents have raised their ambition of fighting and winning elections as an end in itself. It is precisely this shortcoming in our system that has landed us in this morass (Read: ‘How Proud Should We Be Of Indian Republic At 62?’ that I wrote on 26 Jan 2011).

This article is, therefore, focussed on three things:

Our unrealistic expectations from elections.
How we are manipulated by the political parties?
Don’t we have to demand things from our polity and from ourselves rather than to just periodically vote?

Take the euphoria regarding the two Prime Ministerial candidates: Narendra Modi and Rahul Gandhi. In social media, in addition to electronic and print media, we have divided ourselves into two camps: the NaMo camp and Rahul baba camp. In public debates, the supporters of one or the other endlessly tell us that they admit that their party has made mistakes and done evil things; but, it is still not as bad as when the other party was in ‘power‘.

Lets take Narendra Modi camp first. As soon as NaMo becomes the next PM, following will happen:

1. Our netas, babus and people at large will shun corruption. All of us are waiting for a strong PM to be there so that we can all mend our ways.

2. Good governance will return to our country. It was last seen in 6th century AD during the period of the Guptas.

3. People will start being more efficient and punctual in offices. Right now we have a ‘chalta hai’ attitude only because we don’t have a strong PM.

4. Our trains and flights will be on time. With a weak PM, they have no choice but to be perpetually running late.

5. Industrial output and hence GDP would show a sudden spurt. Our industrialists are totally nationalist people. The industrial output, therefore, suffers only because of the indecision of the government.

6. Education and employment for all would remarkably improve. Even with the excellent(!) commitment of our teachers and employers, these have suffered only because the government didn’t have clear sense of purpose.

7. Long pending police reforms would be straightway implemented as they have been in Gujarat.

8. Our foreign relations would straightway improve especially with our neighbouring countries. After years of lack of vision by successive governments, suddenly, we shall have a visionary with commendable and proven clarity of thought in these matters.

9. Pakistan wouldn’t dare to send terrorists to our country because of zero tolerance of NaMo towards such people. Indeed, even though an earlier immature PM had declared with bravado, “Ham unaki naani yaad dila denge“; NaMo wouldn’t give such childish threats but actually make them remember their ancestors.

10. Modernity would reach our villages in addition to some basics such as food, water, roads, electricity and schools.

11. We would have a foolproof security and defence umbrella. It couldn’t have been there with a weak PM.

12. People of all communities will start living in harmony as they do in Gujarat!

13. Scientists and technocrats would start doing original research rather than reverse engineering of western inventions.

14. In short, India will once again take its rightful position as the Golden Peacock.

Are elections fairy tales? This is why we believe in gods and goddesses; irrespective of the mess we are in, gods will be reborn in our midst and suddenly set right decades of neglect, corruption, inefficiency and immortality.

Lets take another god-in-the-making Rahul Gandhi. Recently, in order to have a squeaky-clean image – the kind his antennae told him the Indian public wanted – he, whilst holding post as the Vice President of Congress, denigrated his own Prime Minister and the party for having moved in the parliament an ordinance that would allow even convicted members to continue in office.

Surprisingly, the Congress supporters hailed the ‘bold step’ of the ‘future-hope-of-the-country’ Rahul Gandhi who had shown as much sagacity as the retired Army Chief General VK Singh in publicly finding faults with the army he was commanding. People’s hopes – mixed as they are – rest on the following pillars:

If voted to ‘power‘ as the Prime Minister, Rahul would stand between the corrupt ministers and the nation’s interests.
He may be party to corrupt and dubious decisions, but he still carries a conscience; the one commodity that is lacking in others.
He has his fingers on the pulse of the people. Hence, if voted to ‘power‘, unlike others, he would listen to the people and do course corrections when required.
Eight years of Congress misrule now and decades of it earlier would be wiped out simply by electing him to ‘power‘.
The volte-face by Rahul Gandhi is a resounding victory for people’s power especially power of the social media.

Ain’t our fairy-tale expectations from our ‘angels’ far higher than what we are supposed to do ourselves in democracy? What is the difference between us and a certain minister Bhim Singh from Bihar who said, “Soldiers are meant to die”? Ain’t we expecting too much that any government or PM can set right the rot that has set in our society since they are being paid or voted to set them right?

I don’t like the way people on social media take sides with either Congress or the BJP for any issue of import concerning our country and its people. For example, on the issue of pogrom of thousands of Sikhs in the national capital, the pro Congress group blames the pro BJP group of being non-secular and vice-versa. On the issue of corruption, each group pretends to be holier-than-thou.

Every issue of significance, therefore, gets mired in vituperative politics and we never get to pragmatic solutions. What is true of Facebook is also true of debate, both public and in the media.

If we collectively or individually not lock our senses behind the façade of my-party-greater, we’d know that despite each fan club assuming posture of superiority and morality, there is nothing to choose between the two major parties; both have been there and done that!

Let me share some facts:

1.BJP had a major issue of Bofors when they were in opposition but didn’t do anything about it when they came to power.

2. BJP didn’t push for a white paper on irrigation scam in Maharashtra after Congress leaked it out to the media that some part of the loot went to BJP too.

3. Congress’s own record of secularism is even more pathetic than that of BJP. However, BJP never pushes debate on this issue since it is sure Ram Mandir will get it assured votes.

4. Both see advantage in postponing Lok Dal Bill and Women’s Reservation Bill in Parliament.

5. Both didn’t want to do anything about Wikileaks revelations about Swiss Bank accounts of Indian politicians and industrialists.

I can go on and on but isn’t it time sane and aware people in the country stop taking sides on the assumption of a false sense of loyalty? Lets start discussing what the country and its people need without getting into the internecine blame-game. There is nothing like a half-virgin or more or less virgin! Integrity has to be measured in absolute and ethical terms and not in the terms we are discussing now; eg, “Congress is bad but it is better than BJP or vice-versa.”

We are really playing into the muddy hands of these ruffians by adopting this attitude.

Let India win and not Congress or BJP.

Some of my good friends also debate and believe that we the common voters would be directly electing the Prime Minister. The fact is that none of us will be electing a PM; we have to only vote for the right candidate for our constituency. Everything else is just plain wishful thinking. Yes, our votes are important but we can’t directly elect a PM or even government. Whereas, from the public debates, and debates on social media it appears as if they would all be voting directly for NaMo or Rahul G and hence, whilst voting for the right candidate in our constituencies, we should constantly worry about the above fairy-tale wish list for these two worthies

And I am ashamed of the so-called intellectuals who take sides on every issue of significance concerning us. We believe in miracles and miracles sell like hot-cakes in our country. Why, it was only the other day when Lord Krishna produced endless rice from a bowl!

(Pic courtesy - www.hilltop.in — (Pic courtesy – www.hilltop.in

Here is the actual reality of majority of the people that we elect:

Neta1: So wrestling is back in Olympics.

Neta2: Yes, we now stand a chance to win medals.

Neta1: You don’t say that, do you? Medals for what we have been doing in the well of the house?

Neta2: Hmm…

Neta1: Do you think we can also win medals for thumping the tables every time Soniaji speaks?

How quickly we wash our hands off our responsibility and complicity in the ills of society; be these corruption or rapes or immoral acts by god men? The fact is that We the People are corrupt, and immoral. From where do Ponty Chaddhas and Asarams amass their stupendous wealth and power? We are so steeped in commercialisation of religion that we have lost the ability to listen to sane voices that such jamborees as those we witness in the name of religion periodically are actually trivialising the religion. We create Ponty Chaddhas and Asarams. We participate in mere rituals and tamasha in the name of religion. We fan the fires of an increasingly divided society in terms of religion, caste, creed and region. Some of us are trying to make every issue of morality into victimisation of the religion that we belong to.

Lets stop all this before we ask of the government, politicians, religious leaders and babus to set right the Indian society.

As Guru Nanak and Swami Vivekanand said, “Conquer yourself to conquer the world”.

How Naive Can We Get?

Whilst we prepare for forthcoming elections, we have conveniently convinced ourselves that Corruption and Immorality lies at some high level and that people at large seek to be rid of these evils. This is as naïve as ostrich burying its head in sand.

We, as people, fight for our ‘right’ to be corrupt and immoral. These are at all levels of society. You don’t become a Ponty Chaddha and Asaram overnight. People collude to make them so.

Tell the thekedaars of religion, for example, to stop extracting money in the name of religion.
Tell the railway conductors to stop charging underhand money.
Tell the office babu to stop asking for bribes to do the work he is supposed to do.
Tell the traffic cops to deposit all money that they receive for traffic violations.
Tell the patwaris, tehsildaars and kanungos to stop accepting underhand money for revenue records.
Tell the PWD people to stop charging 300 per cent more than the actual value of contracts.
Tell the doctors to declare every income that they receive.
Tell the oil and petrol lobby to sell pure oil and petrol in the market and not adulterated by about 30 to 40 per cent.
Tell the real estate people and constructors that all deals will be above-board.
Tell the industrialists that projects will be run only on declared costs.
Tell the teachers to stop taking private tuitions.
Have F.I.R.’s being lodged in police stations without charging underhand money.
Have a clean judiciary.
Have media who debate issues of concern to us and not the commercial interests of the owners.

I can go on and on. The fact is that whilst thinking of quick-fix solutions to our endemic problems, we tend to forget that we are involved. We have to put our own house in order. Elections are periodic phenomenon but the shortcuts that we take are everyday phenomena.

India cannot change with elections. We need to change first.

Suddenly, elections are not fairy-tale contests between parties and candidates anymore. Suddenly, these are about us.

NIGHTMARISH MEMORIES OF BEING A NAVIGATOR

I had always wanted to be a communicator; I like the nice ring to the word and imagined myself as an enlightened human being communicating with fellow netizens on this earth, with nature and God. Therefore, in the Navy, when the time came for me to do my specialisation, I decided to specialise in Communications and Electronic Warfare. However, I soon realised that one can’t help becoming a navigator when the call of duty demands. The first time I donned the role of a navigator was when I became the ‘other officer’ (other than the XO, (Executive Officer or second-in-command, that is) on the minesweeper Karwar. I totalled more miles there than in my watch-keeping tenure on Himgiri, even though we sailed like crazy on Himgiri and even went to a three nation foreign cruise too. There is hardly a port on the West coast of India (big, small or minor) that I didn’t navigate my way through as the other officer on Karwar.

However, after my specialisation in Communications, I wasn’t prepared to become the navigator of Himgiri. But, such is fate; you don’t chase it as much as fate chases you. And it was all because of our CO: Captain Jerry Patel. He was the world’s most avid Anti-Submarine Warfare Officer. When he was Director of ASW School, and we, undergoing Long Communications course, visited him in his school, he made us feel like worms that we had chosen to waste our time in the Indian Navy doing anything other than ASW. So, when he became CO of Himgiri, naturally, he considered that the only role Himgiri had to perform was to complete its trials of indigenous SONAR developed by a team under the famous Captain Paul Raj.

INS Himgiri (Pic courtesy: www.bharat-rakshak.com)

After long trials at sea when we returned to Bombay, it came out that Paul Raj and his team won’t be ready for trials in a hurry after setting right the anomalies and defects observed. The debrief done on board brought out that it would take minimum of six weeks. So, my course-mate Billoo, who was the Navigator of the ship, asked Jerry if he could proceed on a month’s leave and, since we were expected to be in harbour, I could carry out NO’s duties in addition to my own.

Billoo’s leave was duly sanctioned and he hadn’t yet left station when news came from Cochin that Paul Raj felt that we should progress trials in other areas whilst defectation was in progress. Billoo wanted to be recalled from leave; but, Jerry told him that like Lord Rama honouring the mere word of his father Dasharath, he, Jerry, had never gone back on his word. We merrily sailed and the plus point was that I collected a lot of Pilotage Fee that kept me in good ‘spirits’ for months after that.

However, the bad news was that Jerry, though excellent in ASW, wasn’t a great ship-handler. Billoo told me later, after the hair-raising experience that I was subjected to, that in the interests of the safety of the ship, many a times, he had quietly passed orders to the MCR (Machinery Control Room) and Wheel House, different from the orders concocted by the CO. However, I was not well versed in such stratagems.

We were to enter Cochin on a certain morning after several incident-free entering and leaving harbour sorties in Goa. In the night before, they signaled us a berth on the trots in Mattancherry Channel. We hadn’t been there earlier. So, I worked out a plan totally by myself without going through Billoo’s earlier N.O.’s notes. After that, before CO made his Night Orders, I discussed the plan with CO on the chart and he approved it without any alterations. We were to enter with a slight flood; but, I assured CO that it would be alright. According to the plan, after passing the head rope to the closest mooring buoy, the ship would swing on its own with the current, and would thus be facing towards the entrance of the channel. This would also enable us quick getaway whilst leaving harbour.

In the morning at about 6:30 AM Special Sea Dutymen for entering harbour closed up. Everything went according to the plan made by me. However, when we came to the entrance of the Mattancherry Channel, near Malabar Hotel, suddenly, without any warning, Jerry said we should try a stern-board approach to the trots so as to head the tide all the while! I was aghast. And that’s where, later day wisdom imparted too late by Billoo, would have come in handy!

So, here was Himgiri entering harbour and somewhere near the Starboard hand buoy near Malabar Hotel, CO suddenly decided to go stern-board. Following sequence followed:

1. We tried to turn around with engines and wheel. The Foxle Officer, Vincent Dhanraj was giving us distances from the buoy and in agitated voice he kept telling us that we were coming rather close to the buoy since the tide and the current were pushing us to the buoy.

View of the Buoy as seen from Malabar Hotel

2. At one time, when we were too close to the buoy for comfort, CO had no choice but to give Full astern both engines. The Engine Room took some time in responding but when it did, it took our breath away. The navigable width of the channel at this point is only about a cable (200 yards) and suddenly we started going full speed towards the vessels at the trots on the other side of the vessel.

3. Many of these vessels started warning us by ‘all available means’ (and you thought George Bush is the only one who ever used this expression!) These included beating drums, doing curious Zulu dances and the like and emergency pressing of ship’s siren as if it was midnight on the night of 31^st Dec and 1^st of Jan.

The type of boats that we were heading straight towards

4. By this time, we had already started giving orders to reverse the trend of our going astern towards these hapless vessels and fishing boats. First, “stop both engines” order was given. Nothing happened; and the people on these vessels started doing much more vigorous version of Zulu dance and even bhangra to ward off the evil of our hitting them with full force. So, in quick succession, orders such as “slow ahead both engines” and “half ahead both engines were given. We felt that we would have hit the vessels astern and hence finally “full ahead both engines” was given.

5. By this time, the current had made us abreast of Malabar Hotel. Some of the foreigners there had heard a lot about Indian Navy coming of age and initially they were cheering our “bold Manoeuvres” through loud clapping. But soon, they saw us approaching them in full speed like a rogue missile. So they started running helter-skelter. The fishermen on that side of the channel had hurriedly started casting off their boats to evade a Tsunami called Himgiri hitting them.

6. Fortunately, after a series of orders and me visibly praying to all sorts of gods post my quick transformation into a believer, we found ourselves the first of the mooring buoys. Every piece of hair on my head was pointing towards the sky. We lowered the whaler with the buoy jumpers. They themselves were finding it difficult to approach the buoy because by this time the flood had really built up into a strong current.

7. In the midst of all this, the CO spotted Captain Paul Raj standing at the jetty, a little distance from the trots. He smilingly waved at him as if nothing had happened and told me, “Send a boat for him immediately. We can’t have him waiting there.”

8. I just looked at him wondrously; here we were with just one boat with buoy jumpers trying valiantly to approach the buoy and hence secure the ship lying in precarious position and there he was telling me to send the boat to receive Captain Paul Raj!

Finally, to cut a long story short, we secured at the trots and CO stopped trotting. After, we returned to Bombay, he came down to the wardroom to attend a wining-out of an officer and he good-naturedly told everyone: “Never go against the advice of your navigator, even if he is only a stand-by navigator”!

A SONG FOR THE THICK-SKINNED INDIAN POLITICIAN

This song is based on a popular song of our era: Chhod de saari duniya kisi ke liye, yeh munaasib nahin aadmi ke liye. The original had lyrics by Indeevar and music by Kalyanji Anandji and was sung by Lata Mangeshkar for the 1968 movie Saraswati Chandra.

Now for the parody: first in Hindi and then in English script:

[lineate][/lineate]छोड़ दे इंडिया देश हित के लिए[lineate][/lineate]ये मुनासिब नहीं politician के लिए[lineate][/lineate]भारत निर्माण से ज़रूरी बहुत काम हैं[lineate][/lineate]भारत सब कुछ नहीं politician के लिए[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]देश का भला हो न पाया तो क्या[lineate][/lineate]Family का भला कोई कम तो नहीं[lineate][/lineate]Economy down हो at all times low[lineate][/lineate]Swiss Bank full हो कोई कम तो नहीं[lineate][/lineate]बिजली मिलती नहीं सबको संसार में[lineate][/lineate]एक दिया ही बहुत है रोशनी के लिए[lineate][/lineate]छोड़ दे इंडिया देश हित के लिए[lineate][/lineate]ये मुनासिब नहीं politician के लिए[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]कितनी हसरत से तकते हैं देशवासी तुम्हें[lineate][/lineate] इनको गरीबी से ऊपर क्यूँ उठाते नहीं[lineate][/lineate]रोज़ मरते हैं भूखे बिलकते यह लोग[lineate][/lineate]इनको vote banks politics से क्यूँ हटाते नहीं[lineate][/lineate]चले जाओ वहां तुम्हारा धन है जहाँ[lineate][/lineate]रहने दो देश को देशवासियों के लिए[lineate][/lineate]छोड़ दे इंडिया देश हित के लिए[lineate][/lineate]ये मुनासिब नहीं politician के लिए[lineate][/lineate]भारत निर्माण से ज़रूरी बहुत काम हैं[lineate][/lineate]भारत सब कुछ नहीं politician के लिए[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Chhod de India desh hit ke liye,[lineate][/lineate]Ye munaasib nahin politician ke liye[lineate][/lineate]Bharat Nirmaan se zaroori bahut kaam hain,[lineate][/lineate]Bharat sab kuchh nahin politician ke liye.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Desh ka bhala ho naa payaa to kyaa,[lineate][/lineate]Family ka bhala koi kam to nahin[lineate][/lineate]Economy down ho at all time low[lineate][/lineate]Swiss bank full ho koi kam to nahin[lineate][/lineate]Bijali milati nahin sabako sansaar mein[lineate][/lineate]Hai diya hi bahut roshani ke liye[lineate][/lineate]Chhod de India desh hit ke liye[lineate][/lineate]Ye munaasib nahin politician ke liye.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Kitani hasrat se takate hain desh waasi tumhen[lineate][/lineate]Inako gareebi se ooper kyun uthaate nahin?[lineate][/lineate]Roz marate hain bhookhe bilakate ye log,[lineate][/lineate]Inako vote banks politics se kyun hatate nahin?[lineate][/lineate]Chale jaayo wahan tumhaara dhan hai jahan[lineate][/lineate]Reheno do desh ko deshwaasiyon ke liye.[lineate][/lineate]Chhod de India desh hit ke liye[lineate][/lineate]Yeh munaasib nahin politician ke liye[lineate][/lineate]Bharat Nirmaan se zaroori bahut kaam hain[lineate][/lineate]Bharat sab kuchh nahin politician ke liye.[lineate][/lineate]

SPY VERSUS SPY

I was posted on Ganga We returned from our cruise to Jeddah in Saudi Arabia (Read about an anecdote in Jeddah harbour in ‘Gunners Too Are Human – Part III – Gun Salutes’). Frankly, we had gone a wee-bit overboard in our purchases. We did well in our custom-clearance. The custom guys were ‘managed’ very well. Now all that stood between us having these items on board and us having them at home was the Security at the Lion Gate, Naval Dockyard, Bombay.

Once again, the lesser beings there were ‘managed’ very well but there was this Commander-at-Arms who was renowned to be the toughest egg in the entire Navy. It was rumoured that he used to have junior officers for breakfast after – as PGW would say – jumping over their remains with hobnailed shoes. To get past Cdr A was as tough as getting past Satan.

I had a friend on Ganga who was renowned for his resourcefulness. This friend on whilst going out of the Lion Gate smartly parked his vehicle on the side and went to meet Cdr A in his office. He paid his regards; Cdr A wasn’t amused. He talked about this and that: Cdr A wasn’t amused. Finally, my friend came straight to the point. He said he was a law-abiding citizen and would like to take out a few items with Cdr A’s permission.

Established in 1735 (Pic courtesy: indiannavy.nic.in)

Cdr A (brightening; as he had already seen in this an opportunity to chew my friend): When?

My Friend (fearfully): Er…if you permit…tomorrow, Sir.

Cdr A (eyes gleaming now): What kind of items?

My friend (alarmed now but he had reached point of no return): (Rattled out list of items) Cdr A (Visibly on top of the world now since rather than his catching the fish, the fish had come to him!): Don’t worry. Bring the items tomorrow and we shall see.

My friend saluted, dejectedly went to his vehicle and drove off.

Next day, at the appointed hour, he came to the Lion Gate and the entire Lion Gate Security Staff descended on his vehicle and ransacked it. All supervised by Cdr A smiling from ear to ear. To Cdr A’s utter horror and dejection, they found nothing.

At this stage, thoroughly frustrated at having missed a chance to get a Nao Sena Medal, Cdr A bellowed: But, you told me yesterday that you’d be taking out those items today.

My friend: I did Sir; but, knowing how you normally are, I didn’t take chances and took them out yesterday itself!

I could have given highest Gallantry Reward to my friend!

PRAYER TO YOU, O KRISHNA, ON THE DAY OF YOUR BIRTH

Can anyone live without water?
Or live without breathing at all?
Then how is this you can’t hear
Our pining-for-you call?

Yes, you lived with us long ago
And taught us Love, Peace, and Right from Wrong
But, we need you now, O Krishna
We need your flute and song.

You may say that when you came
It was the worst time in Indian past
But, we can prove to you, our Lord God
We are close to Bharat’s last.

It is the last chance before our rot
Make us worse than any Kaurava
And the polity fragments our once great nation
Whilst they dance on the ruins like Bhairava.

All that Love that you left with us
Where can it be found now?
Not on banks of Jamuna or anywhere
We love only money, and how!

Our chariot wheels are stuck in the slime
Of dishonesty, immorality and corruption
We don’t have urge or will to fight
The Evil Forces’ sudden eruption.

Krishna, if you fail us now
We won’t know where to go
We have seen enough of the predicted Kalyug
Please put an end to our woe.

Lets hear your divine flute again
As also your battle conch
Guide us to live in Love and Justice
But, against the rot, a war to launch.

Come to us again Lord Krishna
We need you more than ever before
We want you to live amongst us again
And not just in folk-lore.

UNDYING RIPPLES (The Making of a Novel) – CHAPTER ONE

Many of my friends and fans have asked me to write and publish a novel. I am doing the first part: to write. So, chapter by chapter, this novel, without any editing from my part, shall appear here on this blog. Please let me know in the comments if you like it. I shall also be looking at your comments if you don’t like it or any part of it; so that, if considered necessary, I can make amends. Alright, fasten your seat belts and prepare for this long flight.

One

The Jet Airways Flight from Mumbai to Goa was full. All flights to Goa are generally full at the end of the year; it being the favourite destination for Christmas and New Year Eve parties.

This was the last flight before Twinkle would have her holidays. She had joined Jet Airways three years back and, as in everything else in life, she didn’t entertain any regrets. She was an agreeable young lady with a radiant smile that all people close to her found infectious. Indeed, as far as passengers were concerned, it was the firm opinion of others in cabin crew that Twinkle had a kind of sobering effect on the passengers as if they were being served by one of their own. When Twinkle was selected for the Executive Class, none of the other crew objected; it was considered the most natural progression.

At the door, as the passengers came in, a lean and tall man, Twinkle gathered in his eighties, nearly tripped over an obstruction and she instantly bent to help him. He immediately righted himself, picked up his fallen walking stick and beamed a smile at her, “I think I can manage.” Just five words before the next passengers came in; but, Twinkle was sure those words conveyed far more than just the present tripping. It instantly occurred to her that perhaps he was making a statement about his entire life: ‘I think I can manage without any help from anyone. I am used to it’. However, the smile was not of derision or complaint, but, of acceptance, of being content with what life had dished out for him.

He was on seat 2F of the Executive Class space that had become her duty to serve. She offered to hang his jacket but he declined that. Later in the flight she realised why; he took out from one pocket his pouch of medicines. Later, when she offered him a newspaper he took out his reading glasses from another pocket and a pen to solve the crossword with. This man, she decided, didn’t depend upon people for anything. He was self-sufficient.

For the take-off, as she strapped herself to the folding chair, she could see him. He held both his hands together as if in prayer and closed his eyes. Many passengers did that and pretended that they were merely dosing off. However, he did that with great dignity as if he knew God would be instantly there when he’d close his eyes. Another glance and she found that a curious smile had formed on the edges of his lips as if in remembrance of something delightful. Perhaps, she thought a little mischievously, he was already in conversation with God. And then, it suddenly occurred to her that she was paying him far too much attention. It also surprised her to know that she couldn’t help it. There was something magnetic about this man in his eighties; she found herself being drawn to him, as if…as if…she forced herself not to drift into those thoughts and as soon as she announced about the seat belt sign having been switched off she jumped to her duties as a hostess.

There were eleven other passengers to be served but it occurred to her that she wanted to serve only him. “I don’t feel like eating anything”, he told her, “But, I have to since I shall be taking my medicine after that.” He didn’t indicate a choice and she didn’t want to be seen as fussing over; so, she decided that Continental Breakfast was what he’d prefer. He appeared to relish it but declined second helpings, even of bread. She noticed that the beverage was just black-tea. After the breakfast, she wanted to help him with his black leather bag in the overhead locker so as to take out the medicines, but, he took them out of a small plastic pouch in the right inner pocket of his coat.

After breakfast and medicines, he read the newspaper for a while and then started solving the crossword. He dozed off whilst holding the pen and the folded newspaper. She went to take the newspaper from his hands and she should have returned it to the pouch in front of his seat. But, curiosity got the better of her and she took the paper to her working space behind the curtain. She took the pen from his hand, capped it, and gently put it on the flat space between the two seats.

In her working pantry space, she found that the only word that he hadn’t solved was 16 Across and from the letters that were already inserted by him and the clue ‘Sometimes, even a small pebble thrown in a pond can cause_____, _____(7,7)’ she could guess the solution: UNDYING RIPPLES. She started guessing as to why had he left inserting the other letters; the solution was so obvious. Why? Didn’t he know? Was it too difficult? It then occurred to her that she was fascinated by the clue he had left for her to solve! Perhaps he wanted her to! She took out her pen and inserted the missing letters that didn’t make any difference in the other solutions either across or down.

His head had tilted to the right whilst dozing and she went back to insert a pillow between the head and the back-rest next to the window. She also reclined his seat to make him comfortable. Fortunately, he had kept the seat-belt on. She put the window shutter down.

Just before the landing, she went back to upright his seat, open the window shutter and perhaps to wake him up but, she noticed, there was no movement from him whatsoever. She touched him and found him rather cold. She hurried back to make an announcement requesting if there was any doctor on the flight. A kindly gentleman from the economy class approached seat 2F, made the motions of checking his pulse, eyes etc and shook his head, “I am afraid the passenger has died in his sleep.”

Despite her training, she almost screamed. She went and reported to the Captain and the Co-pilot and they made arrangements on the ground to receive the dead body. Since he was at the window seat, he won’t be in the way of disembarking passengers.

Whilst preparing him to be taken away, she wanted to know who he was. She felt for his boarding pass in the outside left pocket of his coat. As she felt for and took out his boarding pass, a picture fell out.

She glanced at the picture and nearly fainted.

It was the picture of her mother.

MUMBAI RAINS MEIN TRAFFIC KE SIDE EFFECTS

Three years back I wrote ‘Mumbai Rains’ in this blog and it continues to be very popular. Now, I bring you some of the side-effects of Mumbai Rains and traffic during the rains. One of my friends had put up this:

[lineate][/lineate]Foreigner: In Mumbai, do you drive to the left or the right?[lineate][/lineate]Mumbaiite: In Mumbai, we drive on what’s left of the roads.[lineate][/lineate]

Mumbai is a melting pot of cultures and languages. I came to know recently that ‘highway‘ is a Punjabi word, after all. When your vehicle goes over an unseen ditch or pothole (which happens in Mumbai quite often), you nurse injuries to yourselves and your vehicle and with every jump say in Punjabi: “Hai ve”! (O, my God)

Lets look at some peculiar scenes and situations caused by the havoc on roads as a result of Mumbai Rains.

Swayamvar

Deshpandes are looking for a husband for their elder daughter. She has finished her engineering in computer sciences and has landed a well deserved job at TCS. After her family gave the advertisement in the Matrimonial columns of several dailies, a few eligible boys have pressed their suits. The family has short-listed three of them: Ashok, Ganesh and Sunil. All three boys are also engineers and earning good salaries and from good families. Finally, it has to be Jyoti’s choice. She asks her brother to help. It comes out that since she has to spend the rest of her life with her husband, she wants to be sure (as any girl would) of the essential nature of her man. What if he curses and swears? What if he doesn’t have patience with her? What if he is utterly selfish? Her brother has the most pragmatic plan to find this out, “I shall drive with each one of them from Colaba to Borivali by car. At the end of the journeys, I shall have the answers for you.”

Modern day ‘swayamvar’, tougher than Arjuna shooting with arrow the eye of the fish and most effective way to separate men from boys.

Army Headquarters

During a presentation to the Chief, his Principal Staff Officers are in attendance. The subject is the purchase of the Tatra trucks, the controversy-ridden Tatra trucks.

[lineate][/lineate]Lieutenant General I: Finally, the government has cleared the purchase of these ****ing trucks. It took some coaxing.[lineate][/lineate]The Chief: It always does. But, I guess your team needs to be congratulated for all the hard work put in.[lineate][/lineate]Lieutenant General I: Thank you, Sir[lineate][/lineate]Lieutenant General II: But, Sir, there is a problem. Now that General VK’s assertions have called in question the quality of these vehicles, we need to carry out a rigorous acceptance test-inspection.[lineate][/lineate]Lieutenant General III: We have already prepared for this, Sir. Our engineers have designed an indigenous (stressing on the word so as to invite praise) testing terrain track for the inspections. It would cost only Rupees 5 Crores as compared to the imported track worth 20 Crores.[lineate][/lineate]The Chief: I think we can avoid the wasteful expenditure. Let the vehicles be received in Mumbai and test-drive on Mumbai roads during rains. If they can survive that, they can survive any terrain and conditions.[lineate][/lineate]Lieutenant General I to II (aside): Now why couldn’t we think of that?[lineate][/lineate]Lieutenant General II to I (aside): That’s why he is the Chief and not us.[lineate][/lineate]

III

Times Now’s Evening Top-Story

[lineate][/lineate]Arnab Boswami: This is the third case in the month when a woman in Mumbai has filed for divorce proceedings. She had been suspecting her husband of having an affair. She has been, therefore, timing her husband during his return journey from the office. The duration has been inexplicably (to her) on the increase and that confirmed her deep rooted suspicion that he has been spending time with the other woman, on the side. On the evening before filing the divorce proceedings, her husband spent all of five hours reaching back home. I have on the panel tonight Mister All-is-well Pigvijay Singh from Congress, Mrs. All-men-are-the-same Mamta Besharma, Chairperson of Women’s Commission in India, BJP spokesperson Arun Ketley and finally representative of Aam Aadmi Gharib Das. Let me first put this question to Pigvijay Singh; What is your government doing about this?[lineate][/lineate]PVS: The track record of our government on women’s issues is excellent. You may recall when Nirbhay died in Delhi, Manmohan Singh ji personally went to receive the dead body…[lineate][/lineate]Arnab (Cutting him short, as he always does): No, all this is only a façade. On an everyday basis women are still getting raped. Let me ask Mamta ji: Do you think this is the normal state or an exception that husbands reach back late from work?[lineate][/lineate]MB: This is on the increase, the traditional image of the Indian woman of being a housewife and being at the beck-and-call of her husband hasn’t changed much. We need to make strict laws to force men to return home on time and not to spend time with other women.[lineate][/lineate]Arun Ketley (on alert after MB uttered the word “law”: I don’t think making new laws will change the situation. For every known law, there are at least a dozen loopholes.[lineate][/lineate](Meanwhile the Aam Aadmi representative had been frantically raising his hand to be able to speak but no one pays him attention. Finally, Arnab Goswami, notices him and asks him: I think Gharib Das has something to say on this; are you on the side of the husband or the lady?[lineate][/lineate]Gharib Das (helplessly): I think you have caught the bull by the tail. The issue here is not a women’s issue at all. The issue is why did it take the husband all of five hours to reach home from office. And I will tell you why: it is because of the poor state of the roads in Mumbai during the rains. Anywhere to anywhere takes this much time.[lineate][/lineate]Arnab: I think Gharib Das here is digressing from the issue at hand; let me get back to Mamta now: do you really think making new laws will help?[lineate][/lineate](Poor Gharib Das hold his head in both hands and would have pulled out his hair if there were any left.[lineate][/lineate]

Scene at the Airlines Office

[lineate][/lineate]Harried Manager: For an hour’s flight, we have started calling people two hours in advance “due to traffic congestion in Mumbai” and yet people have been coming late. What should we do?[lineate][/lineate]Efficiency Expert (with solutions to all problems): I think we should start calling them three to four hours in advance. Indeed, for early morning flights, we must suggest to them to spend the night at the airport itself.[lineate][/lineate]Manager (with doubts): But, won’t it be a punishment for travellers?[lineate][/lineate]EE (Confidently): Since when has travel been anything but punishment in and out of Mumbai?[lineate][/lineate]

Scene at Watch Repair Shop

[lineate][/lineate]Irate Customer: This is my third visit to you to collect my repaired watch; every time you tell me you didn’t get time. What do you do with your time?[lineate][/lineate]Watch Repairer: Sir, the same thing what you do with your time; I spend most of my time commuting.[lineate][/lineate]Customer: Well, next time will be my last visit; what should I do if next time the watch is not ready?[lineate][/lineate]Watch Repairer: Sir, I suggest next time you buy a calendar. In Mumbai’s traffic, there is no point in looking at the watch for the time; one requires to keep track of the day and date one embarked on the journey.[lineate][/lineate]

Somewhere in Headquarters of LeT

[lineate][/lineate]Terrorist Chief: We need to plan another attack on Mumbai to avenge the hanging of Shaheed Ajmal Kasab[lineate][/lineate]Loyal Terrorist I: Inshallah, we need to do that; they cannot hang our young, innocent lads like Ajmal bhai.[lineate][/lineate]Loyal Terrorist II: But, we need to wait until the rains are over. During the rains we just can’t even reach our targets.[lineate][/lineate]Terrorist Chief: Trust the Indians for having come up with the ultimate defence against our brave Jehaadis.”

I can go on and on. But, the fact is that we shall soon come to a situation when Mumbaiites will stop going from anywhere to anywhere for fear of ageing on the roads during the rains.

COLD EMBERS

[lineate][/lineate]Over there, in that dark corner[lineate][/lineate]Is the old relic of a radio set[lineate][/lineate]It screeches and whines, if you turn it on[lineate][/lineate]No music comes out of it now[lineate][/lineate]At one time, not long ago[lineate][/lineate]I used to hear my favourite Hindi songs on it[lineate][/lineate]And then, it broke.[lineate][/lineate]But, still, I had music[lineate][/lineate]On my cell and lips[lineate][/lineate]And I miss the radio[lineate][/lineate]Only in nostalgia[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Here on the wall[lineate][/lineate]Is my favourite clock[lineate][/lineate]Whereat I used to see the time[lineate][/lineate]To see you and be with you[lineate][/lineate]At one time, not long ago[lineate][/lineate]I used to love its tick-tock[lineate][/lineate]Counting minutes for the tryst[lineate][/lineate]And then it broke[lineate][/lineate]But, still, I have time[lineate][/lineate]On my cell and mind[lineate][/lineate]Though I scarcely need to know it now[lineate][/lineate]And I miss the clock[lineate][/lineate]Only in nostalgia[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Over there, on the table[lineate][/lineate]Is the old wine-glass[lineate][/lineate]We used to drink from it together[lineate][/lineate]Sipping from the same stemmed glass[lineate][/lineate]As if it was a magic bowl[lineate][/lineate]That held us together[lineate][/lineate]In love, in warmth, in joys[lineate][/lineate]And then it broke[lineate][/lineate]But, still, I have another[lineate][/lineate]To drink and sip from[lineate][/lineate]And I miss the old glass[lineate][/lineate]Only in nostalgia[lineate][/lineate]

(Pic courtesy: thestrategyexchange.co.uk)

[lineate][/lineate]Deep inside my body[lineate][/lineate]Is my old bleeding heart[lineate][/lineate]It is dead and useless now[lineate][/lineate]It doesn’t feel anymore[lineate][/lineate]At one time, not long ago[lineate][/lineate]It was on a high[lineate][/lineate]Singing and flying[lineate][/lineate]But then, it broke[lineate][/lineate]And I don’t have another[lineate][/lineate]To beat, to feel, to live[lineate][/lineate]I miss my heart[lineate][/lineate]I wish it’d come alive again.[lineate][/lineate]

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LOVED

[lineate][/lineate]I shouldn’t have ever loved even though,[lineate][/lineate]I saw you in everything beautiful and so,[lineate][/lineate]I saw you in the flowers, birds and brooks,[lineate][/lineate]In nests, crannies, niches and nooks[lineate][/lineate]I saw you in the changing shades of twilight[lineate][/lineate]And in the whispering silence of moonlit night[lineate][/lineate]I should never have loved.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]I am a man and it is more than well known,[lineate][/lineate]A man can never cry, sob or bemoan[lineate][/lineate]A woman has express right to feign heartbreak[lineate][/lineate]Even though he often suffers for hers sake[lineate][/lineate]So, you could deceive, cheat and spend your hours[lineate][/lineate]in drenching me in your abusive showers[lineate][/lineate]I should never have loved.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]I wish, in my next life, I will be a woman born,[lineate][/lineate]And subject men around me to equal scorn[lineate][/lineate]And tell the story of what you did and do,[lineate][/lineate]And jeer, “No man, to a woman, can be true”[lineate][/lineate]Whilst giving him a life of perpetual agony[lineate][/lineate]And rejoice in this sweet irony[lineate][/lineate]I should never have loved.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Else, I would hope to get to that elusive verge[lineate][/lineate]Where heavens and earth finally merge[lineate][/lineate]And tell my story to the angels above[lineate][/lineate]Those poor men who once were abused in love[lineate][/lineate]By heartless women who accused and abused[lineate][/lineate]The trust that were held in often misused[lineate][/lineate]I should never have loved[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]I shouldn’t ever have loved being a man[lineate][/lineate]In a world where he can’t do what a woman can[lineate][/lineate]Through tears to tell all those around[lineate][/lineate]That a man is a wolf, a bull, a hound[lineate][/lineate]For every wrong he is often blamed[lineate][/lineate]Whilst it might just be opposite of what she claimed[lineate][/lineate]I should never have loved.[lineate][/lineate]

INDIANS CAN’T BE COMPLACENT ANY LONGER

A few years back, in order to prop us up as a bulwark against China, the US, supported by the Western media, started a relentless campaign to obliquely praise India for its “spectacular GDP growth”. This suited our politicians and bureaucrats since all this while they had to face the wrath of the people for let alone their aspirations, but, even the barest minimum necessities of life not having been met. Soon the think-tanks in India and the intelligentsia took up the anthem of ‘the growth story of India’ and Indian self-serving analysts started working out the exact dates by which we would overtake the economies of Japan, China and finally the US. The feel-good factor made many people happy and excited.

What went wrong? Firstly, we forgot that all indices, particularly the Human Development Index, put us at the bottom of the heap, tucked roughly between Belize and Uganda. We forgot that GDP growth largely reflected how well are the richest of the rich amassing wealth in India.

Secondly, together with Europe, the US economy had slowed down to near recession and in comparison, isolated (and bolstered too) as we were with our ‘self-sufficiency’ of domestic demand, we seemed to have been unaffected by the global economic slow-down. Since this economic complacency was not based on any robust fundamentals, it was soon to take a hit; which it has done now that the US economy is recovering. The dollar is already at an exchange rate of more than 62 rupees. How low is the value of the Indian currency can be made out by this curious observation that the politicians have stopped accepting Indian currency in bribes and now accept only gold. As a result of this artificially raised demand the gold-prices have experienced a sudden spurt.

Indeed, even abroad, the perception about India being touted as an economic giant gave way to India being the most corrupt country in the world. One German business daily which wrote an editorial on India said: “India is becoming a Banana Republic instead of being an economic superpower. To get the cut motion designated out, assurances are made to political allays. Special treatment is promised at the expense of the people. So, Ms Mayawati who is Chief Minister of the most densely inhabited state, is calmed when an intelligence agency probe is scrapped. The multi-million dollars fodder scam by another former chief minister wielding enormous power is put in cold storage. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh chairs over this kind of unparalleled loot.”

This newspaper editorial is a bit dated and we have since had many cusecs of water having gone down our polluted and corrupt, but still sacred river of Ganga. Economically, nothing describes our state of affairs better than our perpetually pot-holed roads. Enormous moneys go into maintaining these. And yet, with the first sign of rains, life becomes hell for all commuters. A routine trip to the office that used to take only twenty minutes, then starts taking ninety or more accompanied by the mood of the computer having been marred for the whole day having to battle against the pot holes and fellow traffickers. But, curiously, those who reach the other end silently pat themselves on the back for having reached safely whilst fellow commuters are still stuck on the road. This is, hence, representative of some of our Indians complacency in the face of the disaster that stares us in the face.

(Pic courtesy: adayinthelifeofaphdstudent.blogspot.in)

The dismal economic scenario, accompanied by rampant corruption and lack of even basic infrastructure, have come about when the shadow Prime Minister, who is strong in economics, is repeatedly asked to indulge in politics, wherein he is a weakling. Isn’t it a shame that the only time he showed he had a spine was when, on behest of the US, he took a firm stand that nuclear power is what the nation needs most at this juncture and would automatically solve all our other problems?

Since the ruling Congress front has failed miserably, one would start hopefully assuming that the main opposition – BJP front – would come up with an alternate plan or strategy to buck up economy, provide basic amenities and infrastructure, and control corruption. Nay, on the other hand, BJP has come up with their oft-repeated clincher of Ram Mandir. Do you think they have gone bonkers? No, I think that they have done their mathematics well (I have shown this maths at a post ‘How Proud Should We Be Of Indian Republic At 62?’ in this blog). They know that less than one per-cent swing in the votes is all that is required to be winners and make a government. For obtaining this one per-cent swing they can either take the ‘risky‘ way of being idealists and mean well for the Indian society or obtain it ‘safely’ by polarising the Indian society. They would, therefore, invariably tilt towards such polarisation; knowing very well that Congress too is only pseudo-secularist and panders to the vote bank of the Muslims in a huge way.

With this, the voter is stuck between the devil and the deep-sea; and, the chances of Indian conditions improving are just a pipe-dream. It saddens me to know that this hopeless state of affairs has come about at a time when we should have done the best. It is because the country’s demographic profile suits high-growth. We are a young country with average age of an Indian being only 29 years. This youth could have been employed in rebuilding a nation. Gradually, our population will start ageing like those of European countries and Japan and then favourable conditions for growth would become even more scarce.

What should we do in this scenario? We don’t have the wherewithal and nor is it necessary to jump into the dirty world of elections by fielding candidates. I think the solution lies in this adage: ‘In democracy you don’t just elect a government, you get the one that you deserve’. We can have a voice through social media including blogs, Facebook and Twitter to let the candidates know that we can’t be fooled by promises of Ram Mandir or doles under Food Security Bill. Lets raise our voices so that it becomes mandatory for the candidates to shun corruption, crime, parochialism and come up with realistic and pragmatic plans for the betterment of our people and nation.

For this it is necessary that we choose the right candidates not emotionally but objectively; not merely by his/her party affiliations but by his/her own attributes and potential.

Lets spread the word around that next elections are the last ones before people become so frustrated and alienated from their elected representatives that they are forced to choose the path of revolution.

AH MUMBAI!

[lineate][/lineate]A ten minute ride now takes hours,[lineate][/lineate]Thanks to Mumbai’s perpetual pot holes,[lineate][/lineate]All that happens is a few showers,[lineate][/lineate]
That make us scream: “Please Save Our Souls”.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Save Our Souls from the pools of corruption,[lineate][/lineate]That surround Mumbai’s make-over schemes,[lineate][/lineate]Everywhere it results in wasteful disruption,[lineate][/lineate]Throwing water over our hopes and dreams.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]The same contractors who do shoddy work,[lineate][/lineate]Are the preferred bidders of the big-wigs,[lineate][/lineate]The taste of money gives them a smirk,[lineate][/lineate]As they move on the roads, their junky rigs.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Cordoning off roads for some future repairs,[lineate][/lineate]Is for them most of the work done,[lineate][/lineate]People suffer and are in tears and despair,[lineate][/lineate]But these leeches have their bloody fun.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]The courts then come in and order a count,[lineate][/lineate]Of thousands of pot holes big and small,[lineate][/lineate]Controversies then begin to mount,[lineate][/lineate]That less than four feet is no hole at all![lineate][/lineate]

(Pic courtesy: meri-awaaz-suno@blogspot.in)

[lineate][/lineate]Lives are lost, people and vehicles are injured,[lineate][/lineate]But nothing moves these thick skinned thieves,[lineate][/lineate]They witness the effect of what they conjured,[lineate][/lineate]Public money passing through their corrupt sieves.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Life goes on with not a change in sight,[lineate][/lineate]Across Mumbai’s dismal road-show,[lineate][/lineate]We nurture a hope that the future is bright,[lineate][/lineate]We shall soon reach where we want to go.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Alas, our Netas and Babus know for sure,[lineate][/lineate]That people tolerance levels are high,[lineate][/lineate]Next Monsoons the same fate they can endure,[lineate][/lineate]Though this Monsoon may make them cry.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]The financial capital of our nation,[lineate][/lineate]Is reflective of the state we are in,[lineate][/lineate]High hopes but lack of determination,[lineate][/lineate]Makes us, of our future, unfairly sanguine.[lineate][/lineate]

WOMEN ON TOP

(On the suggestion that woman should approach man bare and also help to disrobe him)

You can take each piece of clothing,
And on the floor coyly drop.
Does it fill men with loathing,
To permit women on top?

To answer I must go back to stone age,
When women used to be dragged by the hair,
Later it filled them with just rage,
And they screamed: “It’s not fair.”

As hunter and bread winner, the poor man,
Battled and fought and loved the chase;
He got used to it as anyone can,
And now we call his pursuit a craze!

Women, yes, do venture into men’s world,
And do everything he used to do,
But don’t approach him naked as a bird,
Let him at least disrobe you.

Pic courtesy: 'Disrobed' by Neil Young — Pic courtesy: ‘Disrobed’ by Neil Young

I know, left to yourself, in the same vein,
You’d soon want to become from heroine to hero,
I don’t know what you will eventually gain,
By making yesterday’s hunter today’s zero.

Despite all the differences that are there,
It is fun to be woman and man,
So on your own don’t try to be bare,
Just because you know you can.

LOVE GRENADE

[lineate][/lineate]She held it in her hand[lineate][/lineate]Pulled out the pin with her teeth[lineate][/lineate]And hurled it where I stood[lineate][/lineate]And suddenly it exploded[lineate][/lineate]All around me.[lineate][/lineate]Everything was torn to shreds:[lineate][/lineate]Ego, pride, shame, pretence[lineate][/lineate]All lay in tatters, blown to bits[lineate][/lineate]And I lay there zapped[lineate][/lineate]Stunned but alive[lineate][/lineate]Blinded and deaf[lineate][/lineate]To anything but Love[lineate][/lineate]She saw me[lineate][/lineate]Saw my condition[lineate][/lineate]And rested her hand[lineate][/lineate]That was ready to pull[lineate][/lineate]Another pin[lineate][/lineate]From another Love Grenade[lineate][/lineate]Total triumph from her side[lineate][/lineate]Complete surrender from mine.[lineate][/lineate]

TRAVEL LIGHT IF YOU MUST BY AIR

Suddenly, the age old adage has come alive for the airlines: ‘Travel light, if you must’; not the lean-and-hungry look but the lean-and-mean look. Heavy weights may be alright in politics; they may be of immense value in industry and bureaucracy. But, they are a big No No for the airlines. Reminds you of the Blue Jeans revolution of the sixties and seventies. Until then, the clothes were tailor-made for you. But, with the advent of Blue Jeans it was one-size-fits-all and you had to re-shape yourself to fit into those jeans. They came up with ‘ideal figure’ (Twiggy) and you had no choice but to be ideal.

Similarly, GoAir, for example, has given NoGoAir sign to its male stewards since they are generally heavier than their female counterparts. If it was the other way round, by this time Jantar Mantar would have been full of women activists telling the whole world through their middle fingers that the government must take charge of GoAir for showing sexual discrimination. But, men are supposed to take it lying down. Preity Zinta, the promoter of GoAir, for example, first made inroads into the till then men’s world of cricket and is now chucking out men from a traditionally female world.

(Pic courtesy: blog.mobissimo.in) Preity Zinta promotes GoAir

However, the way the airlines are at it, sky is the limit for traveling light. Anything and everything is chargeable. Very soon we may have little children serving us in the flight in their cute infantile babble, “Uncle, hele iz yore maltini; and aunty, you will like some chicken na?” After all, they weigh the least and the airlines may be able to save a few more crores of rupees by employing them.

Another bright idea that will occur to the airlines is to come up with a dress code for travel. No suits, shoes and ties…in any case you have to remove your jacket, belt and shoes at the Security. So, why wear them at all? The airlines will tout this as a ‘customer friendly’ idea as it results in ‘hassle-free security check’. The airlines tend to gain a few crores per year and it appears that every rupee counts.

I suspect that the airlines will soon come up with another ‘customer friendly’ idea – after all, the customer is the king (Ha ha) as proclaimed by them – which is, to have you visit the gym between check-in and security check. The programme will make you lose a few kilos and the airlines can then squeeze in a few more passengers between the last row and the toilets.

Frequent flyers programme will have additional points for those less than fifty kgs and carrying less than ten kgs of check-in baggage and/or nil cabin baggage.

The very first announcement after you board will be, “Ladies and gentlemen, in order to cut down on unnecessary weighty items in the aircraft, we have done away with in-flight magazines, newspapers and instructions cards for wearing the life jackets. You have ten minutes to download these on your mobile phones by accessing www.GoAir.Wecareforguests site. You may not be able to use your mobiles during the flight as these interfere with the navigation systems.”

What about those who used to carry various kinds of foot-wear: Jogging shoes, sandals, brown shoes to go with brown clothing, black with black, and just one extra pair just in case required. Well, research is on to come up with new modular footwear that can change over from chappals to party-wear by pressing a few light-weight buttons.

Another idea that the airlines are working on is to give all passengers, male or female, close hair-cuts (appropriately called crew-cuts) prior to take-off. This too will be a customer friendly (airlines are committed to be customer-friendly all the way) idea since the airlines will offer to share half the cost of haircut with you at merely Rupees Five Hundred a hair-cut (Frequent Light-weight Flyers will be given such crew-cuts free).

And finally back to the male stewards of flights who have been told it is NoGoAir for them; they might actually have the last laugh when the air-hostesses are told – in the same fashion as instructions from Badminton Association of India last year to female players – to wear as little clothing as possible. At last the male passengers will then say, “Finally, you have come up with a real customer-friendly idea.”

TAG – I FOUND YOU AGAIN

Trying a ‘Fast Poem’ on cellphone, similar to ‘Fast Food’.

Here goes:

[lineate][/lineate]Purple hair,[lineate][/lineate]Green nails,[lineate][/lineate]Orange eyes,[lineate][/lineate]Indigo brows,[lineate][/lineate]Red hot cerebral cells?[lineate][/lineate]Lemon coloured blood?[lineate][/lineate]Ultra modern world.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]And yet,[lineate][/lineate]The look in your eyes[lineate][/lineate]Gave you away,[lineate][/lineate]As it did in the life before[lineate][/lineate][lineate][/lineate][lineate][/lineate][lineate][/lineate]And before[lineate][/lineate]And ages before.[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]Juliet? Meera? Sohni?[lineate][/lineate]The colour of love,[lineate][/lineate]Engulfing my world[lineate][/lineate]With richness beyond words[lineate][/lineate]Beyond hues[lineate][/lineate]Beyond feelings[lineate][/lineate]Beyond thoughts[lineate][/lineate]

[lineate][/lineate]In every life[lineate][/lineate]I came[lineate][/lineate]I saw[lineate][/lineate]I was conquered.[lineate][/lineate]I loved[lineate][/lineate]I loved[lineate][/lineate]I love..[lineate][/lineate]Try, if you please[lineate][/lineate]A different camouflage in the next life.[lineate][/lineate]

Sunbyanyname