TEN THINGS TO AVOID AS A LEADER

Nearly five years back I did a comprehensive piece on ‘Leadership In The Navy – Past, Present And Future’ and then within a month, having retired from the Indian Navy, I joined a corporate on the civvie street. This article takes into consideration a number of things that I have closely observed in the environment around me. I am convinced that avoiding these things would make a person a much more effective leader.

The Number One Leadership tenet, of course, is that Leadership must be a secondary trait to Love. A Leader cannot be an effective Leader unless he or she is driven by a feeling of love towards his or her resources; the most precious of these being human resource. If you are driven by Love and in the corporate sector not the love for money, you are already on the way to becoming an effective leader. Regrettably, corporates think of a Leader as someone who commands not more respect but more money and many of these leaders actually end up being paid heavily in the hope that they would bring about the necessary change or transformation; which in turn results into being more profitable and hence earning more money. This is from my page ‘Make Your Own Quotes’:

Leadership #1

Why is this important? I can give several reasons. However, two of these stand out. One is my favourite tenet: Good leaders have good men. Indeed, Good leaders have good all round resources. This doesn’t mean that their talent hunt is so good that they are able to get good men or women from the market or best resources. It means that what they have quickly become good men and women and resources by the feeling of Love that generates ownership and belongingness. Two, Love rules out an agenda other than to see the best development of your company and resources.

With this background, lets go straight into the Ten Things to Avoid as A Leader.

#1 Falsehood. A leader must have high Credibility with those he or she hopes to lead. False promises, both direct and implied, spell ruin. There can be falsehood in things other than promises too. For example, if the people read in your intent motives totally different from the ones proclaimed, your efforts at sincerity are likely to sound as hollow to them as the arguments of a lawyer who knows his client has done something wrong but still argues in his favour because of promise of fees or remuneration. You may cover up your intent by grandiose advertisement campaigns or HR blitzkrieg, but, you won’t have won people’s loyalty. Remember: loyalty is obtained by loyalty and not by spectacular campaigns. Another pertinent and prevalent example of Falsehood is when you promise to bring about a change and openly denigrate what your predecessor(s) were doing; but in the end, you do exactly the same thing, people below you think of it as a great falsehood perpetrated by you.

Leadership #4

#2 Focus on or Driven by only Short Term Goals. From national leadership to anywhere in the corporates leaders are nowadays busy with short-term goals. New language evolves and we have a new and respectable name for this; it is called ‘quick-wins’. Regrettably, many leaders do not go beyond these quick-wins to think about long term development. When you go to South India, you come across temples, for example Somnath temple, that took more than 100 years in construction. Nowadays, people seek instant gratification not just in their lifetime but also in their tenures as leaders which are shortened due to frequent job-hopping. Nevertheless, posterity remembers leaders that look after the long term goals of the company, employees and themselves.

Leadership #14

#3 Wasting Time on Unproductive Activities such as PPTs. Leaders should never forget that Meetings, Workshops, Brainstorming sessions and Conferences are means to achieve an end and not an end by themselves. Dissipating unduly time at getting PPTs right, for example, may sound impressive but would eventually result into micromanagement of such petty things as font-size, colour and slides layouts. I have seen many so-called leaders getting engrossed in the endless process of getting-it-right and devising new vocabulary to mask their penchant for petty corrections. Great leaders do not waste time in forever controlling everything in meetings, PPTs etc but demonstrate their ability to take in the real issues involved.

Leadership #3

#4 Parochialism. Diversity is the flavour of the month in corporates these days; especially amongst those that desire to emerge as global players. However, we are at the level of paying lip-service to it whilst ensuring that increasingly people from our own backgrounds, regions and religions join and progress in the company. The best thing that I read about Bias is that you have a bias to prove your bias right. All kinds of reasoning finds its way into thought-processes why people of our background only “will be able to do justice to the tough requirements of the job.” The problem with such parochial thinking is that you lose the right yo lead all but your favoured lot. It is like a government coming into power and looking after the interests of only those who voted for it.

(Pic courtesy: goldenbridgeinmate39.wordpress.com)
(Pic courtesy: goldenbridgeinmate39.wordpress.com)

#5 Different Rules for Different People. A good leader is consistent about the application of rules, regulations, procedures and practices. He doesn’t give orders that he cannot follow himself. Indeed, whenever he starts a new practice or wants to bring about a change, he leads the change. Everywhere in India we have already spoiled social fabric by inequitable application of rules and privileges. The moment you do so people assume their status to be different or privileged. The oft asked question if such people is: “Pata nahin main kaun hoon?” (Don’t you know who I am?)

Leadership #7

#6 Previous Credentials. You join a new company as a senior leader. You denigrate all their previous experiences. You assume that you have been brought there to bring about a change. So, without even understanding how their system works, you jump headlong into imposing your previous experience on them. You must remember that nothing is more frustrating to your new team. It took them years to build up to the system and you straightway commenced throwing the baby along with the bath-water. You don’t just have a vocabulary to support you in your pursuit of bringing about a change, you have an entire philosophy at your disposal. You can quote hundreds of anecdotes and management principles about how Change is painful but necessary; and, how to bring the recalcitrant around to your point. Indeed, in addition to imposing your previous credentials, you now revel in gradually doing away with resistance to change. but, the fact is that you should have first studied the system that you were going to inherit before embarking on the Change Journey.

(Pic courtesy: agbutler.deviantart.com)
(Pic courtesy: agbutler.deviantart.com)

#7 Constant Change. This is another favoured phrase which is somewhat similar to ‘quick-wins’. You convince people that Change is forever and in order to stay relevant you have to constantly reinvent. Often a major change that you indulge in is followed by another and so on. You want to be counted amongst the well-read. You brought about a transformation and everyone works the midnight oil going through it. No sooner have you completed it that you read another few books and want to bring in more changes. Vocabulary and anecdotes to suit your current pursuit are readily available. You compare life to a river than to a pond and so on. Unknowing to you, people, always being on a roller coaster ride are confused. You never allowed them to come to steady state.

Leadership #10

#8 Ruling By Mistrust Loyalty cannot be bought with money. It has to be won with the currency of loyalty. So, if you have built up an environment of mistrust and intrigue in your organisation wherein people speak in whispers and look furtively if the big-brother is watching; you yourself would be a victim of this mistrust. You are forever checking people’s private mails because you have the power to do so or because your IT policy evasively says so, sooner or later, the Spy versus Spy atmosphere that you set in comes to haunt you.

Spy Vs Spy

#9 Excellent Speaking But Poor Listening Skills. A great leader is not merely a good speaker well versed with great communications skills and story-telling; a great leader is first and foremost a great listener. A monologue by a leader is something that is not welcome. How many times I have come across so-called leaders who insist that the questions at the end of their talks should be short; but, they, at the shortest question launch themselves into longer and longer harangues. Hogging the limelight in meetings, conferences, seminars without listening to anyone especially dissenting views make for poor leadership qualities. Just as good oratory need to be practised, a good leader should have practised the art of good listening.

Leadership #5

#10 All’s well that ends well. Ends don’t justify means. As you climb up the rungs of the ladder of leadership, the short cuts that you took would come and haunt you. In today’s world of transparency put into place by social media and other means, before you know it., your aberrations are made as public as Clinton’s aberrations with Monica Lewinsky. Just because you are in a position to meet the goals, just because you appear to have charisma, doesn’t give you the right to do the wrong things. Of course, these days, we see the wrong-doers ostensibly doing well, having ostentatious life-styles and privileges; but, you would probably win battles with this approach and lose wars.

(Pic courtesy: petermag.wordpress.com)
(Pic courtesy: petermag.wordpress.com)

 

 

WE INDIANS, NEVER TOO FAR FROM THE HUMDRUM OF LIFE

We have all studied Abraham Maslow’s pyramid of needs when we were in the school. We know that at the basic level are the Physiological needs, ie, needs of Food, Water, Shelter etc. As Abraham Maslow points out, only when the needs at one level are met that you can go up to the next higher level. To illustrate this, we had a Punjabi anecdote about a beggar being taught maths. He was asked: “Do ate do kinne hunde ne?” (How much is two plus two?) Promptly he replied: “Chaar rotiyan” (Four rotis).

I sometimes feel that however much we, as Indians, try to get to higher levels of needs: Safety Needs, Belongingness Needs, Esteem Needs and Self-actualization Needs, something constantly pulls us down to the Basic Needs.

Need Pyramid

A few months ago I put up an article extolling the virtues of walking outdoors as opposed to working out in a gym (Please read ‘Walking Or Gym? I Like It In The Open’). If you read the article, you would find that I have brought out that being one with the Nature, observing the sky, birds, flowers, hills, trees and breathing in fresh air would tilt the scale in favour of walks in the open anytime in comparison to being in the gym. The article has lovely pictures of all that I observe during the walks even though I walk very fast. Kharghar, in Navi Mumbai, is where I stay and I love these walks.

Many others, I mentioned, also walk and be with nature, dawn, breeze and surroundings.

However, two years back, a village woman spread a sheet on the pavement and started selling vegetables. Of course, walks were forgotten and people started buying vegetables. Seeing this success, now we have a full fledged vegetable and fruit bazaar at that spot. People now come for walks only so that they can buy fruits and vegetables.

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I can imagine shops or kiosks selling screwdrivers, hammers, pliars etc outside fun parks such as Esselworld or Imagica. In India, these would do booming business. I can also actually imagine us Indians going to see the Taj Mahal and returning home after buying “really cheap and fresh vegetables and fruits” from pavements outside one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Life goes on. We are never too far from the humdrum of life; not even for half an hour of morning walks.

I am reminded of Santa coming home after office and telling Preeto: “Preeto aaj maine 10 rupaiye bacha liye“. (Preeto, I saved 10 rupees today)

Preeto: “Vo kaise?” (How’s that?)


Santa: “Main bus ke beeche bhaaga aur bhaag bhaag kar office pahunch gaya“. (I ran after a bus and ran all the way to the office)

Preeto: “Paagal ho ji aap; taxi ke peechhe bhaagate to 100 rupaiye bach jaate“. (You are mad; if you’d run after a cab, we could have saved 100 rupees)

Imagine the same Santa coming home after buying 1kg of apples during his morning walk and saving all of five rupees; and Preeto telling him if he had purchased 10 kgs each of aaloo (potatoes) and pyaaz (onions) he could have saved up to 30 rupees.

Sample of conversation between two Kharghar ladies:

Lady One: “Pichhale char paanch dino se aap morning walk ke liye nahin aati, kyun?”

(For the last few days you haven’t been coming for walks, why?)

Lady Two: “Maine achhe rates par poore hafte ki subji khreed li. Khatam ho jaaye, phir aati hoon aur khreedane ke liye.”
(I have bought vegetables for the next one week. When they finish, then I shall come (for walks) to buy more)

Lady One: “Aa jayo naa, good quality ke cheekhu aaye hain…”

(Do start coming for walks again; good quality cheekhus (Sapota plums) have arrived in the market)

Or, taste this imaginary talk between two Kharghar men:

Man1: “Ham jahaan jaate hain mar kha ke aate hain“. (Wherever I go, I get beaten)

Man2: “Ham jahan jaate hain mar ket lagate hain“. (Wherever I go, I start a market)

Mera Bharat Mahaan!

Overheard a Kharghar man telling another: “Subah walk ke bahut fayade hain: Aloo pyaaz market se do rupaiya saste milte hain aur apples to paanch rupaye saste. Hamaare pitaji kaha karte the: ‘morning walks are very healthy’. Pitaji ko kaise pata yahan market khulane waali hai?” (Morning walks are very useful: Potatoes and onions are all of Rupees two rupees (per kilo) cheaper than the market and apples are five rupees cheaper. My father used to tell me: ‘morning walks are very healthy. How did my father know here (in Kharghar) they are going to start a (fruits and vegetables) market on the pavement?

I told the above to a few of my friends. They made light of it by invoking multi-tasking. Oh yeah? It is the same multi-tasking that makes us busily talking on the cell phones and even sending sms and whatsapp messages whilst driving; or playing video games whilst watching a movie in a multiplex.

One of the Golf jokes is about a funeral procession with a Golf-bag kept on a cortege. A passer-by remarked that the deceased must have been a great aficionado of Golf. One of the mourners said, “It is the funeral of his wife; he has a foursome immediately after the match.” In the case of we, Indians, the funeral procession could have carried a shopping-bag for buying fruits and vegetables.

One of the Hagar the Horrible cartoon showed Hagar in his full battle armour leaving his house and proclaiming to Helga: “I am going to invade England. Glory, honour and riches await me.” And Helga telling him, “On your way out, can you take the garbage-pail for emptying in the drum?”

For the Normans it might have been just a cartoon. For us Indians, it is a way of life.

P.S. I am contemplating shifting to quiet and peace of the gym as opposed to walks in the open.

BRIDGING THE GAP AT STAFF COLLEGE

Now that I am on recounting the nostalgic memories of my tenure as a student in Staff College, I cannot forget the experience of the games we used to play there.

I tried my hand at Golf and found it curious that they measure ‘handicap‘ in single and double digits. Unlike in cricket, they had no respect for a centurion like me; ugh!

I tried my hand at Badminton and discovered the meaning of the first three letters of the game.

I tried my hand (and legs!) at Cricket and found that I was ‘fielding’ most of the times; wherever I stood, it was a Silly point!

Finally, I reinforced my natural talent of playing chess, billiards and bridge. The last one suited me immensely since, unlike other games that I tried, I didn’t have to play when I was the dummy – which, in other games, was most of the times. Also, since ships are controlled from the Bridge, it appeared to me that I was engaged in something ‘professional’.

Lo and behold, I found like-minded ‘professionals’ in the other two services too. So when we went for a FAT (Forward Area Tour) in the treacherous hills of the North East, we had our foursome complete (Please see the accompanying picture to see what I looked like during that trip).

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The four of us thoroughbred ‘professionals’ sat in the rear of a one tonner, around a large tyre and played Bridge. A one tonner in those hills is as far from comfort as Sunny Leone is from being regarded as the next Mother Theresa. We tossed, the cards tossed, our baggage tossed but we somehow played. We gave a new meaning to why a pair of games in Bridge is called a Rubber; in our case it was simply because it was on an MRF rubber tyre that the game was held.

All of you would remember that scene in Titanic when after hitting the iceberg, it is sinking; but, the orchestra dutifully keeps on playing. Well, a navy officer, an IAF officer and two army officers from Staff College exhibited similar commitment; there were landslides along the way, halts and obstructions. But, we played Bridge as if our life depended on it. Four of us had discovered our calling in life.

We were oblivious of the fact that behind our one tonner was the Jeep of an IAF Group Captain S, the IAF Senior Instructor during our times. We were totally oblivious of the fact that despite the relative comfort of his jeep ride, he was eyeing us wistfully.

After hours of journeying in this fashion, when we halted for lunch, Groupie S’s tolerance gave way. He approached our one tonner and said, “How would one of you like to ride in the jeep whilst I take his place?”

We pulled cards from the pack at random and divine justice was done! The IAF officer pulled the lowest card and Groupie S replaced him.

All of you who have undergone Staff Course would remember the apartheid of the DSs; you ain’t even allowed to pee in the same piss-pot as them. But, here we had the Senior Instructor of the Air Force happily sitting with us around a tyre in the rear of a one-tonner and playing Bridge.

Some ‘Bridging the Gap’ it was!

P.S. This was the only recorded incident in the history of Contract Bridge wherein the ‘dummy‘ sat in another vehicle and made faces at us until it hurt.

WAQT GAYA, WOH BHI GAYE

चाँद सितारों की तमन्ना ना करते थे हम,
सुबह शाम बस तुझ ही पे मरते थे हम.

खुदा और शैतान हमारे नज़दीक ना थे,
इक तेरी रंजिश ओ बे – इत्मेनानी से ही डरते थे हम.

सांस आती थी या नहीं, इसका हमें होश ना था,
हर वक़्त तेरे दम की आहें भरते थे हम.

हमारी ज़िन्दगी का तुझको तो एहसास ना था ,
तुझको मिलने के क्या क्या बहाने करते थे हम.

दिल की रफ़्तार बेचैनी की हद्द पार करती थी,
जब तेरी बज़्म ओ दुनिया से गुज़रते थे हम

तन्हाई में अब बेकस ओ बेज़ुबान बैठे हैं,
तेरे आगोश में बन बन के संवरते थे हम.

Lonely Man1

Chaand sitaaron ki tamanna naa karte the ham,
Subah shaam bas tujh hi pe marte the ham.

Khuda aur shaitaan hamaare nazdeek naa the,
Ik teri ranjish o be-itmaynani se hi darte the ham.

Saans aati thi ya nahin, iska hamen hosh naa tha,
Har waqt tere dam ki aahen bharte the ham.

Hamaari zindagi kaa tujhako to ehsaas naa tha,
Tujhako milane ke kyaa kyaa bahaane karte the ham.

Dil ki raftaar bechaini ki hadd paar karti thi,
Jab teri bazm o duniya se guzarte the ham

Tanhaai mein ab bekas o bezubaan baithe hain,
Tere aagosh mein ban ban ke sanwarte the ham.

THE GREAT WANDERLUST IN STAFF COLLEGE

So finally the Staff Course Special drops you at Mettupalayam station and you travel by bus to Staff College in Wellington (Nilgiris). You marvel at the beauty of the blue mountains with their eucalyptus trees and other foliage. You take in the allurement of the winding road of Kallar Ghat itself with its 14 hair-pin bends.

All throughout the way, the verdure and freshness do not leave you. There is only one feeling when you reach the DSSC: Yeh dil maange more.

The quaintness of the place, its sahib culture, and the babudom of the armed forces at its best/worst all make you want to quickly get out of the stifling class rooms, auditoria and the Div Discussion rooms and soak in the beauty of the hills and the valleys and especially the tea gardens.

So, after a week or so of your settling down, you go exploring during the weekends. The first few trips are naturally around Coonoor: Lamb’s Rock, Law’s Falls, Doorg etc, before you venture to Ooty, Dodapeta and Kotagiri with their Botanical Garden, Lake, beauty of the mountain peak and Tea Estates.

The family at Dolphin's Nose
The family at Dolphin’s Nose

 

One of the Tea Estates
One of the Tea Estates

At this juncture, you are one with nature and your family because the majority of the families has not yet ventured out. Perhaps, you would come across some film shooting or the other (we saw quite a few of them because our stay there coincided with the height of militancy in Kashmir and hence Ooty and Coonoor emerging as locations for films-shooting alternate to Srinagar).

A film shooting in progress at Lamb's Rock. Our son Arun made so much of noise during the shooting that we were politely asked to leave!
A film shooting in progress at Lamb’s Rock. Our son Arun made so much of noise during the shooting that we were politely asked to leave!

 

But, later, whenever you want to get away from the milling crowds of would be sahibs in the armed forces, you find that any place that you ‘discover’ in the clearings of the tea-estates or forests has already been taken. It would be somewhat similar to spending an afternoon at Wellington Gymkhana Club.

One day, the family was determined to find a ‘quiet’ place (a euphemism for a place without the would-be-babus-in-uniform) for an afternoon picnic. We packed a hamper of beer, cold drinks and eatables and drove off from Staff College. We tried many a place but discovered that their ‘quietness’ was deceptive and masked by the sound of water-falls or other activity. The fact was that our brethren and sisters from the Staff College were everywhere and merrily breathing in the pure breeze and oxygen that we wanted to fill our lungs with.

I am a Punjabi and I can assure you that there is nothing like a ‘determined’ Punjabi. I was prepared to go to any length to find a picnic place whose tranquillity was not marred by others of my ilk. So we drove and drove and found that our counterparts had taken over the entire world like those aliens from Mars. There was no place free of them.

I would have given up but my primary school time story of King Bruce and the undefeated Spider came haunting me and filled me with renewed energy to ape the bally spider and mark my place in history. I weaved myself a web that KB’s spider would have been proud of, going into this road and coming out from that. KB’s spider at least knew where it was; but, I had soon become Christopher Columbus’s newest reincarnation trying to discover a new world.

Finally, after about 115 kms of travel (around the globe, that is), Christopher Ravi Columbus reached the brave new world; a picnic spot that had everything that you could ask for: closeness to the road so that the Maruti 800 could be parked there, it had shade and overlooked a beautiful valley that looked distantly charming and fascinating with a blanket of mist over it.

We spread our durrie and laid out the drinking and eating stuff and started taking photographs. I read out Robert Frost and Keats and Wordsworth and felt happy that finally after much travel we had found the place that we were looking for.

“This is life”, I said with squeals of unadulterated joy.
“Agree” said Lyn, “This IS life”
“Ditto” said Arjun and Arun.

The mist was clearing away in the valley below and I took out the binoculars that I had purchased during one of my foreign-cruises.

“Beautiful”, I ejaculated adjusting the focus and then passed on the binocs to A&A. They said nothing on earth would be so beautiful. It was worth travelling 115 kms from Staff College to find this spot. The kids and I were thinking how to mark the spot for future generations on a large rock; somewhat similar to the rock at Cape of Good Hope.

But, then, the binocs were now with Lyn, who is, a practical sort of a woman. Whereas we had gone into the motions of adjusting the focus without seeing anything clearly; she actually focussed and said with finality: “Ravi, Arjun, Arun, please look again; the place looks familiar”.

I brushed it aside saying that since she was from that part of the world, ‘everything’ would look familiar to her. Anyway, she passed on the binocs to me and I looked into it with the clear focus that it now provided. And, there lay before us, the Defence Services Staff College with its red roofs and tall araucaria trees!

This is what the binoculars showed
This is what the binoculars showed

After beer and lunch when we drove down we discovered we were just 1.7 kms above the Staff College; but, had gone around 115 kms to get to that spot.

Christopher Columbus would have been proud of us!

LYN AND I – SCENE BY SCENE

Scene By Scene
(Long Story and Hence Only Selected Scenes)

Scene I

I was posted at Navy’s Leadership School at Agrani (to be pronounced as ug-ruh-nhi meaning ‘Leading’; and not as something that is translated as fire-queen that everyone mis-pronounces it always) from 1978 to 1980. I met Lyn for the first time in Coimbatore wherein INS Agrani is situated. Her charming ways touched the chords of my heart and the tinkle of heavenly music they created hasn’t stopped resonating even now. Her smile was and is the sound of glockenspiel; her talk breathlessly exciting; and she was and is simplicity personified. Once when I teased her for being fat, she pointed to a buffalo and asked, “As fat as that, is it?” Her naiveté readily disarms any attempts to show her down and I stopped doing it even in jest long time back.

We had been talking on the phone and seeing each other as often as we could. In Jan 1980, we went by train to Palghat and spent an entire day at the dam picnicking. By evening,  we returned by train to Coimbatore. At the exit, a railway official wanted to see our tickets. I proudly exhibited our return tickets.  It came out that those tickets were for passenger trains whereas we had returned by an Express. Even though I showed my Navy I – Card too to the official, he fined us all of 100 rupees (a large sum during those days). He made out a receipt for the fine in the name of – hold your breath – Lieutenant and Mrs. RPS Ravi. We still possess that receipt as the first ‘official‘ acknowledgement of our intent.

Scene II

She was apprehensive of my leaving her in 1980 to attend the Long C (Communications) course at Signal School, Cochin. But, I made up for it by visiting her as often as I could. I had bought a Yezdi 250 cc, KEE 438, from M/s Tharakan & Co, and I not only visited her on this mobike (in later years we called it ‘donkey’ since it not just carried us but many other household things including cooking gas cylinders), but also took her to Coonoor on it whereat we spent an entire weekend with her aunty Daisy (who was a teacher to Vyjayanthimala). Everyone thought of us as a married couple. And this at a time when people still looked down on love – marriages. As an aside I can tell you that recently one of the TED Talk Speakers in my company Reliance sent me a link to his talk on how to discover uniqueness in yourself. I wrote back to him that I must be a living example of uniqueness: I chose my own name rather than family name; I chose my career (Navy) as far removed from parental expectations as possible; I chose my own religion (I was born a Sikh); I chose my own life-partner. When our children came into the family, I helped them discover their own uniqueness (Read: Diminishing Dad).

Scene III

After the Long course, my posting came to INS Talwar in Bombay. There were no cellphones during those days. She had, therefore, communicated by letter her apprehension that as physical distance increased between us, I would forget about her. So, on 24th March 1981, I took the morning train from Cochin to Coimbatore whereas the rest of the coursemates travelling to Bombay were to travel by evening train passing through Coimbatore at 10 PM. Good friend AS Bajwa took her and me to a temple where the priest married us – me a Sikh and she a Catholic but married in a Hindu temple. In the afternoon, we went to the district court and got our marriage registered.

In the night before the train pulled out of Coimbatore station, I asked her if she was apprehensive of us anymore. She knew she had a gentleman to spend the rest of her life with.

I joined the rest of my course mates in the train on my wedding night and gave them sweets. They wanted to know what was the occasion. I told them I had got married. No one could believe it. One or two of them even suggested that I was pissed even before having a drink with them.

On Talwar in 1981 in Sanyas before Lyn joined me!
On Talwar in 1981 in Sanyas before Lyn joined me!

Scene IV

It took me six months to get a temporary accommodation in Naval Coastal Battery (NCB) Worli. And then I called her over to Bombay to join me.

I had nothing with me. I went to Indian Naval Canteen Service (Gol canteen) and bought the following on IPP (Instalment Payment Plan):

Six steel dining plates.
Six steel side plates.
Six each steel spoons, forks, knives, bowls and glasses.
One twin burner gas chullah.
One plastic bucket and mug.
One tawa.
One frying pan.
Two other pans.
Two steel pateelah.
One 165 ltr Godrej Gold fridge.
Three plastic containers to keep sugar, tea and salt.
Six pearl-pet bottles.

Lo and behold, I had a functional house going! In the next one year I paid all the instalments! Bajwa was promoted to become a LtCdr on the day before she arrived. So we drank and drank to celebrate his promotion as also to signify the end of my bachelorhood six months after our wedding. At one O’ clock in the night, Bajwa and I went to Oberoi hotel to have coffee and that’s when I told him that when I would take my wife home, I couldn’t even offer her tea since I had neglected to buy sugar. So, Bajwa spread a paper napkin on the table, emptied out the hotel’s sugar pot, bundled the napkin and gave to me. I then told him that I was going to receive my wife and I hadn’t got any flowers.  He convinced me that buying flowers from the hotel’s shop would ruin my plans for the first month of marriage. He, with great ceremony,  took out the single rose from the table vase and handed it to me to receive Lyn with.

Receiving Lyn at Bombay VT with the Rose taken from Oberoi Hotel restaurant Samarkand's vase,
Receiving Lyn at Bombay VT with the Rose taken from Oberoi Hotel restaurant Samarkand’s vase,

And that’s how we went to receive Lyn at Bombay VT at 6 AM.

At Worli Sea Face together after six months of marriage.
At Worli Sea Face together after six months of marriage.

Our one room house in NCB Worli!

It was a one room house (not one room BHK, but just one room) Some of the items that I bought for kitchen are seen!
It was a one room house (not one room BHK, but just one room) Some of the items that I bought for kitchen are seen!
First Navy Ball together as wedded couple!
First Navy Ball together as wedded couple!

Scene V

My dad hadn’t given his consent for the wedding. So one day I wrote to him about how we got married. The last line of my letter read: “We haven’t got much; but we ain’t poor.”

As my mom read out the letter to him – and my mom told this to me later – he thumped his chest with pride and said, “That’s my son. No one in our family was ever poor and no one would ever be.”

On the 12th of Dec 1982 we were married (again) in Kandaghat in the manner in which dad and mom wanted in front of our larger family.

Finally re-married on 12th Dec 1982 in traditional way
Finally re-married on 12th Dec 1982 in traditional way

Here is a picture of the reception on the night of 12th Dec 1982:

27

Scene VI

In Aug 1983 I was to go to Rome for the second year in succession to accept an Electronic Warfare system. And, I told Lyn that I would take her. She said we didn’t have money (we never had). I told her I would apply for a loan from my DSOP Fund (Defence Services Officers Provident Fund) on the all encompassing clause, “Urgent domestic requirement necessitating inescapable expenditure”. It is another story how I got her passport made, visas for Italy and France done and ticketing done in less than a week’s time. It is yet another story that she nearly travelled alone (she was to travel from Bombat whilst I was to join from Delhi after obtaining government sanction and the babus there nearly botched it up). But then all’s well that ends well and we visited Italy, France and England for three weeks on a shoe-string budget of just Rupees 20000 including her two way fare. In Paris, for example, we stayed in a Youth Hostel at equivalent of five dollars per head!

Crossing the English Channel (a trip on shoe-string budget)
Crossing the English Channel (a trip on shoe-string budget)

Scene VIl

Arjun was conceived during this trip and born on 14th May 1984. On 1st of May, my world crashed; my father died in a jeep accident on a morning when in the evening, he and my mom were going to travel to Bombay to be with us for Lyn’s delivery. There was a tussle between him and I as to where the delivery would take place. He insisted that the delivery should be in Lady Reading hospital Shimla performed by his trusted doctor Mrs. Anita Sood whereas I had told him that it would be in INHS Asvini. In the end, in his death, he won. It was as if when one candle was snuffed, another was kindled in the same family.

Arjun the joy of our life
Arjun the joy of our life

Scene IX

Arun was born in even worse conditions. I was posted on Ganga and remembering the traumatic circumstances of Arjun’s birth, we planned Arun’s birth during the period when Ganga would be under a short refit in December. But then The PM Rajiv Gandhi and his wife Sonia decided to visit Andaman and Nicobar islands and the ship selected to take them there was Ganga. My CO said he couldn’t spare me during this period. Lyn therefore went entirely on her own (helped by Mrs Kohli and other ladies) to Asvini, quickly delivered Arun, and returned home to also look after Arjun who was barely two and a half at that time. We were on the 10th floor of Meena building and we prayed that the lifts which frequently broke down, would function for her going to hospital and return. I saw Arun a month after he was born. But then, I had seen my wife six months after we were married.

Arun, the ecstasy of our life
Arun, the ecstasy of our life

Scene X

Despite my dad consenting to get us married, I refused to take anything at all from him. Lyn’s parents were too poor to help us. But, we not just managed; we lived – you have guessed it – rich. On our 20th anniversary, 14 years ago, on this day, we bought us a gift from Archies: a wooden plaque with the inscription, “We don’t have much; but, we have each other”.

However, we were, are, and will always be rich. As my dad said no member of our family will ever be poor. As long as we are together, the flowers will grow and we have the riches of precious memories:20150210_143024

THE TAIL WAGS THE DOG AND HOW! – PART II

In the first episode of ‘The Tail Wags The Dog And How!’ I had told you about the business end of the Navy being at sea; but, controlled by the ‘heads’ in headquarters who have specialised in dishing out detailed instructions on every conceivable subject. It is as if their efficiency is directly proportional to the number of reams of paper that they dish out.

All of us have been at both ends; but, we seem to forget our travails at sea the moment we are at headquarters.

Once, when I was the Command Communications Officer at Headquarters, Eastern Naval Command, Visakhapatnam, we were conducting an operation that involved shore based aircraft, ships and a small Seaward Defence Boat (SDB) in the Palk Bay. We had put all the craft at sea on a Common Fixed Net. Every SITREP (Situation Report) and every instruction was passed to everyone so that “everyone would be in the picture”. Good idea? Well, hours went by and we found that the SDB wasn’t reacting to any of the instructions that we had sent it. Series of meetings were held in the MOR (Maritime Operations Room; now MOC, ie, Maritime Operations Centre). In one of the meetings late in the night, the Chief of Staff asked me why was the SDB not responding to the volley of our instructions. My reply: “Sir, the SDB has received the messages but it has not decrypted them; we haven’t given it long enough pause when it can do so, what with a single communication operator on watch”.

If you think the communication gap between headquarters and units at sea is one way only, you are sadly mistaken. In every Command there is something called a Command Meeting that is held on quarterly basis in a year and hence called QCM or Quarterly Command Meeting . All Commanding Officers, Directors, and Officers-in-Charge attend the meeting together with Headquarters big-wigs, Fleet Staff and other concerned authorities ashore, for example, from Materiel Organisation and Naval Dockyard. For an agenda point to come up to the level of the QCM, it would have originated with the ships a few months ago. Out of all the points received, the Command Staff would select only those points that they consider significant points; this expression roughly translated into ‘points that they (the Command Staff) has some clue/answer about’. And yet, the decisions on most points after deep discussions at QCMs are that the points need to be deliberated further. At this stage, the C-in-Cs, seized with the desire to be seen pro-units-at-sea, direct that the concerned point be kept open until a solution is found.

Sometimes, the Command Staff would select a point so as to show-down a ship or unit that would have raised it. The ultimate idea would be to bring out how poorly informed the ship/unit would be in bringing out an unnecessary point for which the solution already existed within the resources already made available to the ship. Discussions on such points show the Command Staff being ahead of the genuine needs of the ship.

In one of the QCMs, I remember, one of the small missile-boats put up an agenda point that missile boats under refit should be given the services of a lighter transport so as to land defective motors, pumps etc at the various centres of the dockyard. After considerable discussion, the Commanding Officer was asked to specify the number of trips that such a lighter would be required for, render his report in a month’s time, so as to enable the Command Staff to arrive at a workable solution. I met the Commanding Officer during the tea-break and he was vowing never to put up an agenda point again.

(Pic courtesy: www.ccal.org)
(Pic courtesy: www.ccal.org)

The point is that the ‘heads’ at headquarters have the ship’s heads easily outnumbered and can beat them in discussions, debates, analyses and research on points. The ship’s staff who give these agenda points never learn this simple truth.

In one of the QCMs, a point was given by me that the Headquarters take a long time in responding to the points given by the ships and units. For some reason, the point was selected as an agenda point by the heads at the headquarters. The decision given was that there should be no issue from the ships that should be kept pending for more than a fortnight. Various colour schemes were worked out by the heads at the headquarters. If a solution is provided, it would be viewed as a Green issue. If it was kept pending for a month, it would be deemed as Amber issue. And if after a month, the response wasn’t given, it would be deemed as Red issue.

Excellent solution? Well, after six months of this colour scheme being in vogue, one fine day, I received an important mail from headquarters that read: “Your quarterly return of Red, Amber and Green issues not yet received; request expedite.” You can’t beat the heads at headquarters; people like afloat people who change overnight the moment they walk the corridors of headquarters.

(Pic courtesy: www.dreamstime.com)
(Pic courtesy: www.dreamstime.com)

I came across several exceptions to the rule too and these are the people who take it upon themselves to do something rather than write something. Let me give you three examples to tell you how easy is the former option. One of these was a  Senior Staff Officer (Budget) at Headquarters, Western Naval Command. I visited him once with a hand delivered letter asking for a sanction under I & M Grant (Incidentals and Miscellaneous Grant) for buying office accessories. When I wanted to deliver the letter to one of the clerks in his office, the clerk asked me to deliver it personally to saab. Saab was a Captain and I was sure he’d take it amiss for an officer from subordinate unit seeing him directly for a petty matter. He had one look at it, went out with it to the clerk I had seen earlier, came back and got busy in phone calls and other office work. Fifteen minutes went by and I was feeling fidgety that my letter wasn’t receipted. Another ten minutes and I was now feeling totally depressed and told him that it doesn’t take that much time to give a receipt to a letter. At this juncture the clerk came in with a file on which my letter asking for sanction was there and – hold your breath – a sanction letter!

Another was Logistic Officer-in-Charge of the Naval Pay Office. Before retiring from the Navy in the year 2010, I phoned him about how long would it take for me to start receiving pension. He enquired whether I had completed the booklet of forms sent by Naval Headquarters and he would use my case as a test case for obtaining pension within a week. And he did. He is now a Flag Officer at Naval Headquarters. I rejoiced the day he was promoted.

I have dozens of these examples too.

However, for the vast majority, staff work, file-work, and need to be stickler to rules and regulations keep the tail wagging the dog.

This majority has an answer to every problem of yours in the form of yet another detailed instructions.

THE TAIL WAGS THE DOG AND HOW!

The business end of the Navy is at sea: the ships, submarines and aircraft; the Navy being the truly three-dimensional force amongst the armed forces of the union of India. However, the Navy has something common with the other forces in that it has another dimension ashore: the headquarters. The headquarters has – hold your breath – heads; what else? These heads roll out stuff that people at sea sometimes find difficult to comprehend.

Do you remember the story of a Russian trying to sell a radio set to a farmer in Siberia, by his sales-pitch: “With this radio set, comrade, you can be in any part of Russia and still be able to hear Moscow”?

The farmer, in the story, wasn’t impressed and asked: “But, do you have anything by which Moscow can hear us?”

It is the same disconnect between headquarters and units at sea sometimes. It appears to people at sea that these ‘heads’ ashore dish out reams and reams of paper on every conceivable subject. Lets say, for example, that a VIP Visitor on board puts his or her hand/foot/other parts of body exactly where the sign says: ‘Wet Paint; Don’t Touch’; the headquarters are likely to issue detailed instructions titled: ‘Instructions For Receiving VIPs on Board Ships And Submarines’ complete with several appendices and annexures.

They expect you to read and follow the plethora of these instructions. However, your one or even half pager enumerating problems on board doesn’t see the light of the day. If you insist on a response and send some gentle reminders, you are likely to get a cryptic reply: “Refer to your Letter such and such dated such and such. Your attention is drawn to WENCO (Western Naval Command Orders) such and such, article such and such.”

imageIn case you are a persistent one and notice that the article in question doesn’t exist, you can write another letter bringing out that the quoted article doesn’t exist. But then, you are back to square one. As also, you, busy in getting your point across to headquarters, missed sending them the fortnightly return on VIP Visitors on Board as asked for by Appendix P of Letter regarding ‘Instructions For Receiving VIPs On Board Ships And Submarines’. Headquarters and Police are two unique organisations where the customer is always wrong.

imageCaptain KK Kohli on newly commissioned Ganga had got fed-up of headquarters indulgence in every matter on board except where their inputs were specifically requested for. Once we received detailed instructions on receiving some foreign dignitaries on board including a lavish lunch for them post PLD (Pre Lunch Drinks). KKK requested for a sanction for X Rupees. As always, headquarters approved an amount X divided by 50. Headquarters heads do this kind of thing for no r or r. The sanction letter said the menu for the party may be sent for C-in-C’s approval.

KKK’s reply was classic:

“1. Refer to HQWNC Letter such and such dated such and such.

2. Based on Headquarters sanction, the menu for the party would be:

a) Half pint of beer for half the people and Nimbupaani for the other half.
b) Rice and dal for lunch together with PPK.
c) One Eclair each as dessert.”

Needless to say the heads at headquarters saw not just the comedy in KKK’s mail but also merit. A fresh sanction letter of X amount was released and……this was to be seen to be believed……there was no mention of sending “draft menu for C-in-C’s approval”.

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